Maybe this is a very late realization, but better late then never?
I look around and I realize that this world is full of worries. What am I to do? Why isn't things going the way I want it to? I have to do this or else the results won't be like that.
I'm so SICK of seeing and hearing all this. I KNOW that this is a normal human trait and characteristic but it does not mean that it has to take us over.
Worrying makes people intimidated on what they want to do. It pulls them back and never lets them set forth on what they strive for. It doesn't let them live it up.
Yes, I realize that I need to finish off high school strong. My grades need to maintain where they are, or even improve a bit. But this is not going to stop me from living up my last days of high school. I will not worry my days away. I will not slave my free days away with sticking my head into a textbook.
I am highly disappointed at the people I know who don't create the memories and experiences of the rest of senior year. I know that senioritis shouldn't be taking over completely but to live up the rest of the year is not what I call senioritis. I call it enjoying the time with the people who actually enjoy spending their time with me. People who actually realize that I exist. Because who knows, in college, my presence might be a blank spot in other people's eyes.
This year, I have truly learned to take opportunities/chances/risks because they will never come back. Some might come back, but the majority won't.
I sort of observe and have a glimpse of how much worry and fret we will have in the near future so that is why I want to make the most I can of these moments right now. I won't be able to relive these days as an average high schooler. I might not be able to see these people ever again when college hits. That hurts to think about.
Overall, just make unforgettable memories and take those rare chances.
Never look back and see that you've kept regrets in your heart.
"I don't want to survive, I want to live."
--Captain of the ship in Pixar's WALL•E.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
You've got my heart skippin` a beat,
You've got my mind racing.
I know I don't stand a chance,
But my feelings can't control what it's facing.
This will blow over and nothing will happen in the end.
Crushing on someone crushes me.
"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
-- David Borenstein
You've got my mind racing.
I know I don't stand a chance,
But my feelings can't control what it's facing.
This will blow over and nothing will happen in the end.
Crushing on someone crushes me.
"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
-- David Borenstein
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Prom.
May 8th was remarkable. Even though I still feel a bit out of place when I dance, the night was just purely unforgettable.
The whole group was amazing. They were fun, hyped, and just fantastic.
Truthfully, I was afraid of Prom because Homecoming was a disaster for me. Boy, was I wrong.
SEN10R Prom was perfectly memorable.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Judgment.
Judgment. We can't avoid it. It doesn't matter if it's only in your head or if it's aloud. If you look at someone, you instantly place them into a category and stick an imaginary sticky-note on their forehead.
But some people just can't keep the judgment to themselves and have the urge to share it.
I do not believe in judging people in general unless they give me a legitimate reason for judging them.
"If you judge, investigate."
--Seneca
Don't judge someone and blacken out your view of reality until light is shown upon them and allow the view of their true colors.
But some people just can't keep the judgment to themselves and have the urge to share it.
I do not believe in judging people in general unless they give me a legitimate reason for judging them.
"If you judge, investigate."
--Seneca
Don't judge someone and blacken out your view of reality until light is shown upon them and allow the view of their true colors.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Stress is overrated.
These past two weeks have been ridiculous.
So prom is May 8th. I didn't know I was going to have a group (the limo and out to dinner package) until two weeks ago when a friend came up and told me that she was going to form a group. I was pretty happy because it sounded like so much fun.
By the end of the first week, we had about 15-20 people. Not bad, not bad. But she wanted more people. I didn't mind. I even offered to find a restaurant to eat at. All my requests were rejected the next day.
By the Monday of the second week, things were beginning to turn into serious drama. We hit 27 people. The coordinator was stressing out but kept accepting more people. OTHER people were getting stressed for who knows what. People were seriously getting mad at one another. The problem here? LACK OF COMMUNICATION AND LACK OF MEETINGS.
By the Wednesday of the second week, I tried taking over to get things straightened out. We were up to 40 people and didn't have a restaurant and had limo complications. NOTHING was resolved. The only thing I set was the restaurant and that was that.
I guess the original coordinator took over again. By Thursday, we had the limos sorted out. We had the restaurant. After 2 weeks of distress, I think we're 96% finished.
Maybe this is a rant. Maybe this is story-telling. Maybe this is rude. Maybe this is just what I need to say. People do NOT need to be stressed out about whatnot. Because when someone stresses, that stress SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE. Some people are even getting stressed for no damn reason when they aren't doing ANYTHING. C'mon, really?
Prom is exactly a week from tomorrow. How is it going to be?
Stress is irrelevant. You can waste that energy on something more productive or efficient. Stress just causes anxiety and it's no use, especially on something that is a one time thing. We don't need things to be perfect. We just need to enjoy what we're planning.
I'm a bit rusty on blogging but this is this. I'm glad things are finally done. . .right?
"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."
--Lee Iacocca
So prom is May 8th. I didn't know I was going to have a group (the limo and out to dinner package) until two weeks ago when a friend came up and told me that she was going to form a group. I was pretty happy because it sounded like so much fun.
By the end of the first week, we had about 15-20 people. Not bad, not bad. But she wanted more people. I didn't mind. I even offered to find a restaurant to eat at. All my requests were rejected the next day.
By the Monday of the second week, things were beginning to turn into serious drama. We hit 27 people. The coordinator was stressing out but kept accepting more people. OTHER people were getting stressed for who knows what. People were seriously getting mad at one another. The problem here? LACK OF COMMUNICATION AND LACK OF MEETINGS.
By the Wednesday of the second week, I tried taking over to get things straightened out. We were up to 40 people and didn't have a restaurant and had limo complications. NOTHING was resolved. The only thing I set was the restaurant and that was that.
I guess the original coordinator took over again. By Thursday, we had the limos sorted out. We had the restaurant. After 2 weeks of distress, I think we're 96% finished.
Maybe this is a rant. Maybe this is story-telling. Maybe this is rude. Maybe this is just what I need to say. People do NOT need to be stressed out about whatnot. Because when someone stresses, that stress SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE. Some people are even getting stressed for no damn reason when they aren't doing ANYTHING. C'mon, really?
Prom is exactly a week from tomorrow. How is it going to be?
Stress is irrelevant. You can waste that energy on something more productive or efficient. Stress just causes anxiety and it's no use, especially on something that is a one time thing. We don't need things to be perfect. We just need to enjoy what we're planning.
I'm a bit rusty on blogging but this is this. I'm glad things are finally done. . .right?
"In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive."
--Lee Iacocca
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Don't follow; Lead.
The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
Robert Frost
I guess I wanted to post this poem because this is probably one of my most favorite classic poems. I am not really into reading and analyzing poems but when I read this one, I loved it so much. The message is clear but so meaningful.
My interpretation of this poem is basically being unique and creating footsteps, not following them.
Nowadays, mainstream and popularity of subjects are just everywhere and I very much dislike it. I create my own interests and follow what I choose. Sure, some, if any, of my decisions may match up to one or two mainstream subjects but that doesn't necessarily mean that I like it because others like it.
Anyway, I love to follow my own opinion. I don't let others form it. Hate what I love? I don't care.
I'm not insecure of what I like and don't like.
I would name off things that I find completely stupid and people only like it because it's totally "in" but I don't think that's right. So. Whatever. I'll keep it to myself.
I guess all I can say is that this poem is probably the first poem that captured my attention and brought forth an actual meaning to me.
"The greatness of art is not to find what is common but what is unique"
-- Isaac Bashevis Singer
Monday, March 22, 2010
College.
CSULB: Accepted
CSUF: Accepted
UCR: Accepted
UCLA: Rejected
UCI: Rejected
UCSB: Rejected
UCSD: Rejected
The dreading of college letters are finally over. For now?
CSUF: Accepted
UCR: Accepted
UCLA: Rejected
UCI: Rejected
UCSB: Rejected
UCSD: Rejected
The dreading of college letters are finally over. For now?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Appreciation.
Yes. I have blogged about appreciation but this is different.
Today, I got rejected from UCI. I already knew before I saw the actual rejection. My stomach was churning because I knew that I wasn't good enough for their school.
I'm not as intelligent as a lot of my friends in academics. I only get grades and classes that pass by. I'm just an "Average Joe" in academics; I always will be. So obviously I'm not going to get into those semi-prestigious schools.
Anyway, so University of California, Irvine has been my mom's dream for me ever since I was a freshman because of convenience from there to home and name. I never knew what colleges were all about so I strived for that school.
Senior year, I have realized that colleges. . .the higher the college, the higher the. . .what? Name? Reputation? Pride? Academics? What does this all mean to someone's goal for their life?
So at this time, I have been rejected by three schools, and accepted by three. One more and I'm finally finished. The most recent one, from UCI, was the most difficult to tell my parents. I don't know why but it was. I guess because they kept asking about only UCI. After I told them, I thought they would be in silence for a while from disappointment. But after I asked them if they're okay, they told me things that I never would expect to hear.
They told me that they don't care what the name of the college is that I go to. They would have loved it if I went to UCI but it wasn't necessary. I can go to CalState Fullerton and then transfer. My mom joked that I don't have to tell people I got rejected from UCI but just say I wanted to transferred. I laughed with a bit of tears forming.
They then told me that as long as I work on a major that I LOVE to learn about and succeed in the end, they'll be happy.
Happy. Even though I didn't get directly into UCI, they'll happy.
My parents are not the typical asian parents that scold me for not "trying" for what they want. My parents accept B's (as long as they're not C's). My parents allow me to hang out with whomever, whenever, as long as I get my priorities done. My parents will do so many things for me and get so many things for me, just to see me happy.
This is not bragging. This is not "Look, my parents are so much more lenient than yours." I don't even know how to show my appreciation for my parents. This is the best I can do for now. Just, definitely, for now.
I can never, even in my next lifetime, give back to my parents. No matter how much I try, it will never equal up to how much they have done for me. They have raised me into who I am today and they still continue to shape me.
I appreciate my parents for the way they have taught me and treated me and, most of all, loved me.
This post is all over the place but these are the thoughts that run through my head right now.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
-- Frederick Keonig
Today, I got rejected from UCI. I already knew before I saw the actual rejection. My stomach was churning because I knew that I wasn't good enough for their school.
I'm not as intelligent as a lot of my friends in academics. I only get grades and classes that pass by. I'm just an "Average Joe" in academics; I always will be. So obviously I'm not going to get into those semi-prestigious schools.
Anyway, so University of California, Irvine has been my mom's dream for me ever since I was a freshman because of convenience from there to home and name. I never knew what colleges were all about so I strived for that school.
Senior year, I have realized that colleges. . .the higher the college, the higher the. . .what? Name? Reputation? Pride? Academics? What does this all mean to someone's goal for their life?
So at this time, I have been rejected by three schools, and accepted by three. One more and I'm finally finished. The most recent one, from UCI, was the most difficult to tell my parents. I don't know why but it was. I guess because they kept asking about only UCI. After I told them, I thought they would be in silence for a while from disappointment. But after I asked them if they're okay, they told me things that I never would expect to hear.
They told me that they don't care what the name of the college is that I go to. They would have loved it if I went to UCI but it wasn't necessary. I can go to CalState Fullerton and then transfer. My mom joked that I don't have to tell people I got rejected from UCI but just say I wanted to transferred. I laughed with a bit of tears forming.
They then told me that as long as I work on a major that I LOVE to learn about and succeed in the end, they'll be happy.
Happy. Even though I didn't get directly into UCI, they'll happy.
My parents are not the typical asian parents that scold me for not "trying" for what they want. My parents accept B's (as long as they're not C's). My parents allow me to hang out with whomever, whenever, as long as I get my priorities done. My parents will do so many things for me and get so many things for me, just to see me happy.
This is not bragging. This is not "Look, my parents are so much more lenient than yours." I don't even know how to show my appreciation for my parents. This is the best I can do for now. Just, definitely, for now.
I can never, even in my next lifetime, give back to my parents. No matter how much I try, it will never equal up to how much they have done for me. They have raised me into who I am today and they still continue to shape me.
I appreciate my parents for the way they have taught me and treated me and, most of all, loved me.
This post is all over the place but these are the thoughts that run through my head right now.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
-- Frederick Keonig
Monday, March 1, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Clueless.
I'll admit. Sometimes, I may observe, notice, and realize deep concepts and a few of those times, I'm right. But the MAJORITY of the time, I'm dense.
I don't realize subtle hints.
I don't get a whole bunch of dirty jokes (and it's gonna STAY that way >_<).
I may think that someone likes me but I shake it off quickly and forget about it if something realistic hits me and I don't think about it again, even if it may be true. I don't know anything until someone tells me flat out or give me the most OBVIOUS clues that even a monkey would figure it out.
And other times, I might notice that someone doesn't like me/hates me. It's the most AWKWARD feeling to be around the person when they don't like me. I think I know. . .two people who most likely don't like me? Maybe even resent me? But I didn't do shit to them so I don't care and have nothing to be sorry for LOL. I just try and be nice. (:
Oh well. I don't know why I'm posting this but I'm just saying. . .don't hint me. LOL. Because I'm not gonna get it.
And keep my mind clean. I hate hearing dirty things. D:
And if you hate me but too afraid to say it, then you're a pussy. YEAH. I SAID IT. Tell it to my face if I did something wrong to you.
I can't find a quote for this so ):
I don't realize subtle hints.
I don't get a whole bunch of dirty jokes (and it's gonna STAY that way >_<).
I may think that someone likes me but I shake it off quickly and forget about it if something realistic hits me and I don't think about it again, even if it may be true. I don't know anything until someone tells me flat out or give me the most OBVIOUS clues that even a monkey would figure it out.
And other times, I might notice that someone doesn't like me/hates me. It's the most AWKWARD feeling to be around the person when they don't like me. I think I know. . .two people who most likely don't like me? Maybe even resent me? But I didn't do shit to them so I don't care and have nothing to be sorry for LOL. I just try and be nice. (:
Oh well. I don't know why I'm posting this but I'm just saying. . .don't hint me. LOL. Because I'm not gonna get it.
And keep my mind clean. I hate hearing dirty things. D:
And if you hate me but too afraid to say it, then you're a pussy. YEAH. I SAID IT. Tell it to my face if I did something wrong to you.
I can't find a quote for this so ):
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Egotism.
Self-confidence is a good thing. It keeps you from bringing yourself down too much and it allows you to aim for things that might seem impossible if it were not for the confidence. But TOO MUCH self-confidence is just. . .how would I put it. . .ridiculous? The haughty attitude and noses in the air are all just disturbing to see. Some think that they are so much better than others. Some think that everyone wants them. It's just. . .arghh.
Yesterday, I went to StickiPicki with some friends. One more person was supposed to come, who is my ex. My friend told me in 85 degrees that he wasn't coming. She told me he told her on the phone that it's "awkward". Obviously it was because of me. REALLY, DUDE? REALLY? I've been over him ever since. . .the end of November? He still thinks I'm in love with him. His ego fluffed him up to thinking that he's too good to be my friend because he still thinks I'm goo-goo about him. I'm done with hating him. I just want to be friends. I even called truce and offered a hand-shake because I just want to leave the awkwardness and problems behind. But apparently he likes to leave it awkward.
Before yesterday, yeah, I wanted to be his friend. He knew me best for a long time. But after I heard that he didn't want to come because of me and the AWKWARDNESS that might occur, I was done. I was pissed and still am. His self-confidence blinded him with the past and thinking that the past is still occurring. It's seriously ridiculous.
I'm not going to put an effort in if I know I won't be met halfway.
"Some times, another's ego can corrupt a true friendship."
--Unknown
Yesterday, I went to StickiPicki with some friends. One more person was supposed to come, who is my ex. My friend told me in 85 degrees that he wasn't coming. She told me he told her on the phone that it's "awkward". Obviously it was because of me. REALLY, DUDE? REALLY? I've been over him ever since. . .the end of November? He still thinks I'm in love with him. His ego fluffed him up to thinking that he's too good to be my friend because he still thinks I'm goo-goo about him. I'm done with hating him. I just want to be friends. I even called truce and offered a hand-shake because I just want to leave the awkwardness and problems behind. But apparently he likes to leave it awkward.
Before yesterday, yeah, I wanted to be his friend. He knew me best for a long time. But after I heard that he didn't want to come because of me and the AWKWARDNESS that might occur, I was done. I was pissed and still am. His self-confidence blinded him with the past and thinking that the past is still occurring. It's seriously ridiculous.
I'm not going to put an effort in if I know I won't be met halfway.
"Some times, another's ego can corrupt a true friendship."
--Unknown
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Realization & the switching of roles.
Realization comes in two different forms. It either slowly grows on you or hits you right in the face. Lately, it's always been HITTING ME IN THE FACE. It comes at me fast and I don't see anything until BAM. And then. . .it has the most negative effect to my feelings and I HATE IT.
The most latest realization hit me VERY QUICK and I definitely switched roles with the person. In the summer of '08, he was in my spot and now the winter/spring of '10, I don't know why but now I'm a bit in his. This is almost the EXACT position he was in. And now it's killing me. I think it hit me last night. I never intended for this. I never thought about this. This realization just. . .HAPPENED last night when I was talking to him. This is a small thing (obviously it can't be THAT big) but it has a BIG meaning to me and I don't like it. Not one bit.
98% of how I feel is because I concern for him. He's one of my closest friends and if anything happens to him, I'm there in a flash. We did stop talking a bit last year and I think we won't be talking much again after today but no matter what, he knows me well enough to be one of the people who are closer to me than many of the people I know.
2% of how I feel is conflicting. I don't know if I feel this way because I miss seeing him and hanging out with him or if I feel this way because there might be something else.
But I can't say a word about it except to one person because she understands. We both know him and we know what has happened before.
Shoot my heart. It's driving me crazy.
"The distance is great from the firm belief to the realization from concrete experience"
-- Isabella I of Spain
The most latest realization hit me VERY QUICK and I definitely switched roles with the person. In the summer of '08, he was in my spot and now the winter/spring of '10, I don't know why but now I'm a bit in his. This is almost the EXACT position he was in. And now it's killing me. I think it hit me last night. I never intended for this. I never thought about this. This realization just. . .HAPPENED last night when I was talking to him. This is a small thing (obviously it can't be THAT big) but it has a BIG meaning to me and I don't like it. Not one bit.
98% of how I feel is because I concern for him. He's one of my closest friends and if anything happens to him, I'm there in a flash. We did stop talking a bit last year and I think we won't be talking much again after today but no matter what, he knows me well enough to be one of the people who are closer to me than many of the people I know.
2% of how I feel is conflicting. I don't know if I feel this way because I miss seeing him and hanging out with him or if I feel this way because there might be something else.
But I can't say a word about it except to one person because she understands. We both know him and we know what has happened before.
Shoot my heart. It's driving me crazy.
"The distance is great from the firm belief to the realization from concrete experience"
-- Isabella I of Spain
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I never knew people can lie so well.
I hate lies. Who doesn't? The biggest lie I hate is when I can see right through it. It's obvious that person is lying but what can I do?
I've learned not to trust as much as I did before. To me, there are two different trusts. The first one is a general clump of trust I hand people the first time I meet them and it builds from there. If they give me basis of information that is based off of lies, then be it. Unstable support of a friendship is just going to come crashing down later. The second trust is a serious trust that I don't hand people at all. I may "sprinkle" it on a few certain people, but other then that, I just can't do it. This trust hurts me and destroys me.
Anyway, basic lies are just stupid. Sometimes, like in the situation I'm in right now, I'll believe the lie because this information came from the direct person's mouth. If he wants to lie to me, then be it. I just won't trust him. Believing and trusting are totally different for me.
But the thing is, it's funny how I feel mad about this situation, yet, I feel guilty too. I'm trying to remain neutral but I don't even know. I'm being white lied to by both sides. I know that for sure. If I'm not to say "lie", then I'll say "in the wrong". Because one was all over the place with his information and the other person's story doesn't match the first person's.
I thought this situation had already passed but it was brought back up 2 nights ago. This is a BIG thing to me and I don't even know what to do or say anymore.
"People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to"
-- Malcolm Muggeridge
I've learned not to trust as much as I did before. To me, there are two different trusts. The first one is a general clump of trust I hand people the first time I meet them and it builds from there. If they give me basis of information that is based off of lies, then be it. Unstable support of a friendship is just going to come crashing down later. The second trust is a serious trust that I don't hand people at all. I may "sprinkle" it on a few certain people, but other then that, I just can't do it. This trust hurts me and destroys me.
Anyway, basic lies are just stupid. Sometimes, like in the situation I'm in right now, I'll believe the lie because this information came from the direct person's mouth. If he wants to lie to me, then be it. I just won't trust him. Believing and trusting are totally different for me.
But the thing is, it's funny how I feel mad about this situation, yet, I feel guilty too. I'm trying to remain neutral but I don't even know. I'm being white lied to by both sides. I know that for sure. If I'm not to say "lie", then I'll say "in the wrong". Because one was all over the place with his information and the other person's story doesn't match the first person's.
I thought this situation had already passed but it was brought back up 2 nights ago. This is a BIG thing to me and I don't even know what to do or say anymore.
"People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to"
-- Malcolm Muggeridge
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Finally about my weekend.
So in the end, on Saturday, I stayed home and cleaned my ENTIRE room. Now it looks. . .well. . .a lot clearer than before. LOL. I actually felt very accomplished. (:
On Sunday, I went to LA with my parents. We went to two temples. The first temple was very quick. We just went in, lit incense and prayed. Then we just walked out and stayed for a bit because my dad was talking to my uncle. After that, we headed to a second temple in Chinatown. It was EXTREMELY crowded because there was a performance going on. We had to squeeze our way through just to get incenses. I think I saw someone who I've only talked to twice last year but I didn't bother saying anything. That would have been really weird. LOL. Soon after, I met up with some of my dad's side of the family and I got my red envelopes. After about an hour of that temple, me, my parents, my aunt, my two uncles, and my three cousins headed to Little Tokyo. I haven't been there for at least a year! It was awesome. (:
After just buying some food in the end, my parents headed off to my mom's side of the family's party and I stayed with my cousins because I don't talk to anyone on my mom's side. ): My cousins, uncles, and aunt headed to a mall in Cerritos. It was HUGE! We stepped into supposedly the biggest Forever 21. It was two stories! I saw a lot of nice clothes but I didn't want to hold my cousins back with my lame fashion. LOL. Then we headed off to get some boba. I saw this adorable guy with glasses and headphones with his friends. ANYWAYS, LOL. We went to go eat dinner at Sam Woo BBQ! Yum yum. It was good. (: Then I saw another pretty cute guy at the restaurant. I thinkkkkk he looked over a bit and I looked over too. AHAHA. But oh well. We finished eating and left. He left the same time we did.
On Monday, I went to go watch Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson (The Lightening Thief) with the same three cousins and uncle. We first ate at La Salsa and then we went to watch Valentine's Day first. IT WAS ADORABLEEEE. I thought it would be like He's Just Not That Into You but not really. It was a lot better. xD Afterward, we went to go watch Lightening Thief. It was alrightttt. It was pretty predictable. But the main character is cute. ;D He's the same age as me too! Rofl. So lame. When we got back home, we had a family party at my house and then everything settled down around 9pm. It was a good day. (:
Anyhoo. It was an alright weekend. I wonder how this upcoming weekend is going to be.
"There aren't enough days in the weekend."
-- Rod Schmidt
On Sunday, I went to LA with my parents. We went to two temples. The first temple was very quick. We just went in, lit incense and prayed. Then we just walked out and stayed for a bit because my dad was talking to my uncle. After that, we headed to a second temple in Chinatown. It was EXTREMELY crowded because there was a performance going on. We had to squeeze our way through just to get incenses. I think I saw someone who I've only talked to twice last year but I didn't bother saying anything. That would have been really weird. LOL. Soon after, I met up with some of my dad's side of the family and I got my red envelopes. After about an hour of that temple, me, my parents, my aunt, my two uncles, and my three cousins headed to Little Tokyo. I haven't been there for at least a year! It was awesome. (:
After just buying some food in the end, my parents headed off to my mom's side of the family's party and I stayed with my cousins because I don't talk to anyone on my mom's side. ): My cousins, uncles, and aunt headed to a mall in Cerritos. It was HUGE! We stepped into supposedly the biggest Forever 21. It was two stories! I saw a lot of nice clothes but I didn't want to hold my cousins back with my lame fashion. LOL. Then we headed off to get some boba. I saw this adorable guy with glasses and headphones with his friends. ANYWAYS, LOL. We went to go eat dinner at Sam Woo BBQ! Yum yum. It was good. (: Then I saw another pretty cute guy at the restaurant. I thinkkkkk he looked over a bit and I looked over too. AHAHA. But oh well. We finished eating and left. He left the same time we did.
On Monday, I went to go watch Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson (The Lightening Thief) with the same three cousins and uncle. We first ate at La Salsa and then we went to watch Valentine's Day first. IT WAS ADORABLEEEE. I thought it would be like He's Just Not That Into You but not really. It was a lot better. xD Afterward, we went to go watch Lightening Thief. It was alrightttt. It was pretty predictable. But the main character is cute. ;D He's the same age as me too! Rofl. So lame. When we got back home, we had a family party at my house and then everything settled down around 9pm. It was a good day. (:
Anyhoo. It was an alright weekend. I wonder how this upcoming weekend is going to be.
"There aren't enough days in the weekend."
-- Rod Schmidt
Friday, February 12, 2010
The looks of this weekend.
I guess I will post before and after this weekend.
I got two Valentine's Day grams at school. That was interesting. LOL. Just from friends.
Today, I volunteered at the Tet Festival with Jacqueline! It was pretty fun for the first half. We had to role-play in these costumes. . .I don't know what it's called. But it wasn't that bad. We went from 2pm-5pm. By the time it hit 4:15pm though, we were grouchy and tired because we were super hungry! So afterward, we roamed off and bought Lee's Sandwich after getting back into our normal clothes. YES. LEE'S SANDWICH. IT WAS AFFORDABLE AND FILLING. Very late lunch. Hahah. Then we roamed around the advertising booths and got free stuff! Soon after, we met up with Nhan. Then we attacked each other. LOL. I never knew piggy-back rides can get so scary and violent. ):
Tomorrow I might go to the Tet Festival if I can round up a few friends. If not, I'm going to stay home and clean before Chinese New Years. Oh man! This year I'm actually going to spend time with both sides of the family, after all these years. Sunday is going to be with my mom's side of the family and then Monday will be my dad's side. I wonder how this weekend will go.
So Sunday happens to be New Years and Valentine's Day. Wooo. Valentine's Day. So much love. So much excitement for the couples. (: It's cute. It makes me wonder of someone, someday. I don't think I ever had a legit Valentine before. Oh well. My first Valentine will be someone special. (: I hope, I hope, I hope. But this year, nothing will happen. Just going to be spending my time with family. . .who I don't talk to. LOL. Phail. Oh well. One of these days? (:
"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
--La Rochefoucauld
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
-- Bill Vaughn
Half and half? hahah.
I got two Valentine's Day grams at school. That was interesting. LOL. Just from friends.
Today, I volunteered at the Tet Festival with Jacqueline! It was pretty fun for the first half. We had to role-play in these costumes. . .I don't know what it's called. But it wasn't that bad. We went from 2pm-5pm. By the time it hit 4:15pm though, we were grouchy and tired because we were super hungry! So afterward, we roamed off and bought Lee's Sandwich after getting back into our normal clothes. YES. LEE'S SANDWICH. IT WAS AFFORDABLE AND FILLING. Very late lunch. Hahah. Then we roamed around the advertising booths and got free stuff! Soon after, we met up with Nhan. Then we attacked each other. LOL. I never knew piggy-back rides can get so scary and violent. ):
Tomorrow I might go to the Tet Festival if I can round up a few friends. If not, I'm going to stay home and clean before Chinese New Years. Oh man! This year I'm actually going to spend time with both sides of the family, after all these years. Sunday is going to be with my mom's side of the family and then Monday will be my dad's side. I wonder how this weekend will go.
So Sunday happens to be New Years and Valentine's Day. Wooo. Valentine's Day. So much love. So much excitement for the couples. (: It's cute. It makes me wonder of someone, someday. I don't think I ever had a legit Valentine before. Oh well. My first Valentine will be someone special. (: I hope, I hope, I hope. But this year, nothing will happen. Just going to be spending my time with family. . .who I don't talk to. LOL. Phail. Oh well. One of these days? (:
"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
--La Rochefoucauld
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
-- Bill Vaughn
Half and half? hahah.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Just a dreamer that sets herself up for disappointment.
My thoughts roam. My hopes soar high. My imagination runs wild. I try and shake it off but all of it clings onto me. Then as I try and ignore it all, I run into the wall of reality. I face what's on paper. I face what is set in stone. I just look and shake my head. Disappointment.
At this moment, my mind blanks. I don't even know what to say anymore. Just that I want to start fresh. This past month did not count as my New Year. It was part of my mistaken 2009 year. Starting midnight tonight, I hope to seriously start anew. During the day, I've realized that I'm reversing myself backwards and I don't want that. Like I said before, I vowed this year to be good, if not great. I want to live moments that are unforgettable. I don't want to regret so much like I did last year. What's done is done.
But the thing I cannot avoid is dreaming and disappointment. I set myself up and then knock myself down. These are my obstacles this year. I hope to conquer them. I just hope I don't hit rock bottom again. I want to rise and rise and only trip once in a while. Please, I hope for that.
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
-- Thomas Hardy
At this moment, my mind blanks. I don't even know what to say anymore. Just that I want to start fresh. This past month did not count as my New Year. It was part of my mistaken 2009 year. Starting midnight tonight, I hope to seriously start anew. During the day, I've realized that I'm reversing myself backwards and I don't want that. Like I said before, I vowed this year to be good, if not great. I want to live moments that are unforgettable. I don't want to regret so much like I did last year. What's done is done.
But the thing I cannot avoid is dreaming and disappointment. I set myself up and then knock myself down. These are my obstacles this year. I hope to conquer them. I just hope I don't hit rock bottom again. I want to rise and rise and only trip once in a while. Please, I hope for that.
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
-- Thomas Hardy
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Butteflies.
Even though I completely assume what I consider the truth, the flutters just won't go away.
I don't even know how this happened.
And now I don't know if I should close off this feeling or not.
I can and when I do, I'll block out all thoughts and feelings.
But at the same time I don't want to because. . .and that's when I lose my reason.
I'm so lost.
Arghh. I'll let time take this confusion away.
I don't even know how this happened.
And now I don't know if I should close off this feeling or not.
I can and when I do, I'll block out all thoughts and feelings.
But at the same time I don't want to because. . .and that's when I lose my reason.
I'm so lost.
Arghh. I'll let time take this confusion away.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Another music blog post (:
So ever since last night around 11:40pm-ishh, I discovered an AMAZING Youtube artist from my friend's AIM status link. LOLLL. I clicked on it and I listened to his cover of Nothin' On You by B.O.B. I WAS SPEECHLESS. His voice makes people in awe. I'm not crazy either because I looked at some of the comments and all of them were extremely positive comments. Then I listened to one of his original songs and I fell in love with it. I don't think I've ever been this appreciative of a YouTube artist before. Today in my classes, I was so eager to take out my iPod and listen to some of his songs. His songs make me smile. I don't even know why. LOL. This sounds so lame but it's true. I've heard really good YouTube singers but this one stood out most to me by far.
So many people love to listen to so many of the songs on the radio about sex, drugs, and the "gangstuhh lyfe". LMAO. Though I'll admit some are pretty good, most are just "whatever." I don't understand why some people love every single one of those songs. Maybe it's just me because I intend to listen to the lyrics because I love good lyrics in a song but so many of them are directly/indirectly saying how much they want a woman in their pants. No kidding. So when a dirty song comes up, I listen to my favorite rock station. (: And if there's nothing on there either, I resort to my iPod.
What I'm trying to say is that I love music with meaning. Once in a while I may listen to a song that doesn't have a deep meaning but it just has a good beat. But most of the time when I find a song that sounds good, I look up the lyrics. After a year or two, I've realized that so many unknown artists' songs are incredible. And then I wonder why they aren't discovered and made it big yet. And even if they have a record label, why they're not SUPER big yet, like being on radio and promoted. But I guess there's an upside to that because then I wouldn't have to listen to it being in mainstream and repetitively playing all day.
Like my "praise" to the YouTube artist, listening to undiscovered, non-big music doesn't necessarily mean it's lame, isn't good, and shouldn't be listened to. It's pretty hard to find really good music like this nowadays. Like I said, there are just those mainstream songs that overtake the radio everyday, playing at least 4-5 times all day (and that's only ONE station). it's just tiring to listen to the same songs over and over again, especially those that are just meaningless.
MY RECOMMENDATIONS OF PEOPLE/GROUPS? LOLLL.
UrbanGermany ♥
The Summer Set
Safetysuit ♥
The Cab ♥
Goerge Nozuka
The Maine
Parachute
yayay (:
"To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable."
--Aaron Copland
So many people love to listen to so many of the songs on the radio about sex, drugs, and the "gangstuhh lyfe". LMAO. Though I'll admit some are pretty good, most are just "whatever." I don't understand why some people love every single one of those songs. Maybe it's just me because I intend to listen to the lyrics because I love good lyrics in a song but so many of them are directly/indirectly saying how much they want a woman in their pants. No kidding. So when a dirty song comes up, I listen to my favorite rock station. (: And if there's nothing on there either, I resort to my iPod.
What I'm trying to say is that I love music with meaning. Once in a while I may listen to a song that doesn't have a deep meaning but it just has a good beat. But most of the time when I find a song that sounds good, I look up the lyrics. After a year or two, I've realized that so many unknown artists' songs are incredible. And then I wonder why they aren't discovered and made it big yet. And even if they have a record label, why they're not SUPER big yet, like being on radio and promoted. But I guess there's an upside to that because then I wouldn't have to listen to it being in mainstream and repetitively playing all day.
Like my "praise" to the YouTube artist, listening to undiscovered, non-big music doesn't necessarily mean it's lame, isn't good, and shouldn't be listened to. It's pretty hard to find really good music like this nowadays. Like I said, there are just those mainstream songs that overtake the radio everyday, playing at least 4-5 times all day (and that's only ONE station). it's just tiring to listen to the same songs over and over again, especially those that are just meaningless.
MY RECOMMENDATIONS OF PEOPLE/GROUPS? LOLLL.
UrbanGermany ♥
The Summer Set
Safetysuit ♥
The Cab ♥
Goerge Nozuka
The Maine
Parachute
yayay (:
"To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable."
--Aaron Copland
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Giving it my all.
Today has been an awesome day. It started off QUICK with a rush to finish getting ready and heading to Bolsa Grande High School where the volunteers for the annual Tet Festival were. I met up with Jacqueline and we signed up for the same days. Don't forget Jacqueline! Wednesday and Friday. [: I've always wanted to volunteer ever since last year because it seemed like sooo much fun. Also, I won't be able to volunteer for anything like this so might as well go for it. [:
Soon, Nicole and I headed to Irvine Jamboree. It was sort of slow because the whole rest of the group didn't show up yet. D: But about 2 hours later (LOL) James, Darcy, Victoria, and Vivan appeared. Then when we headed into the karaoke center, Thomas, Eric, and Brian showed up. We all got set up and seated. Then the singing began! I was sort of timid and wasn't sure of what to sing but I decided "What the heck. These people are awesome and open. Why need to kill off my own fun?" So I picked a few songs and sang as loud as I could. It was TOTALLY worth it and fun in the end. And in the end, I made a few friends who are outrageously AWESOME. I'm so glad I made the effort to sing and open up to these them. [:
Right after Irvine Jamboree, I had a plan of taking my friend J0na to the beach. After picking him up, it felt like FOREVER going down to the beach on Magnolia. Maybe because there were no turns or anything. Well, when we got there, we walked straight to the water. I was NOT planning to get the ends of my jeans wet but about 2 minutes after thinking that, my feet were drenched, followed by my jeans. After that, I didn't care anymore. I stepped deeper and in the end, most of my legs were soaked. I listened to the waves crash and I loved it. I've never been to the beach when it wasn't a bonfire before. It was fantastic. And I had tons of fun moments with J0na. That also made it worth while. It was a nice one hour just playing with the sand and stepping into the ocean. I was actually about to not ask J0na to go with me because I thought it would be totally weird. But I just thought "Hey, are there any reasons why I shouldn't ask and go? If he says no, then so what? I'll just go by myself." I've wanted to go to the beach this weekend. And I told myself I would. And I did. But I really am glad a friend came along.
Telling others how I feel isn't an easy thing; let it be if I like someone, hate someone, or not giving a care for someone. The hardest one would have to be telling someone I like him. Words don't come out right, I take forever to say it, and if I'm face to face with him, I start fidgeting and trying to laugh it off as no big deal. Especially when I have somewhat of a story behind it. And one of those "dang it" feelings far deep inside is when I see that obviously he doesn't feel the same. But hey, what can I do, you know? I'm not going to obsess over anything and make him like me. That's just wrong. So I shrug it off and assume that it's just not going to work. Especially if he's a friend. I don't want to lose a friendship over stupid feelings I have. It's just ridiculous. The only thing I'm afraid of and don't like is if there is awkwardness. Andd. .. if there is, and there's an intense amount of it, I just let it be. Step away from the friendship and let go. Because maybe sometimes those awkward moments just never heal up and it just doesn't feel right anymore, no matter how long it takes.
But I guess I give it my all if at a point, I feel like I need to tell the person I do like him and watch for the make-or-break moment.
Well anyways, overall, this weekend has been pretty good. [: I'm hoping I can have more enjoyable weekends like this.
"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?"
-- Vincent van Gogh
Soon, Nicole and I headed to Irvine Jamboree. It was sort of slow because the whole rest of the group didn't show up yet. D: But about 2 hours later (LOL) James, Darcy, Victoria, and Vivan appeared. Then when we headed into the karaoke center, Thomas, Eric, and Brian showed up. We all got set up and seated. Then the singing began! I was sort of timid and wasn't sure of what to sing but I decided "What the heck. These people are awesome and open. Why need to kill off my own fun?" So I picked a few songs and sang as loud as I could. It was TOTALLY worth it and fun in the end. And in the end, I made a few friends who are outrageously AWESOME. I'm so glad I made the effort to sing and open up to these them. [:
Right after Irvine Jamboree, I had a plan of taking my friend J0na to the beach. After picking him up, it felt like FOREVER going down to the beach on Magnolia. Maybe because there were no turns or anything. Well, when we got there, we walked straight to the water. I was NOT planning to get the ends of my jeans wet but about 2 minutes after thinking that, my feet were drenched, followed by my jeans. After that, I didn't care anymore. I stepped deeper and in the end, most of my legs were soaked. I listened to the waves crash and I loved it. I've never been to the beach when it wasn't a bonfire before. It was fantastic. And I had tons of fun moments with J0na. That also made it worth while. It was a nice one hour just playing with the sand and stepping into the ocean. I was actually about to not ask J0na to go with me because I thought it would be totally weird. But I just thought "Hey, are there any reasons why I shouldn't ask and go? If he says no, then so what? I'll just go by myself." I've wanted to go to the beach this weekend. And I told myself I would. And I did. But I really am glad a friend came along.
Telling others how I feel isn't an easy thing; let it be if I like someone, hate someone, or not giving a care for someone. The hardest one would have to be telling someone I like him. Words don't come out right, I take forever to say it, and if I'm face to face with him, I start fidgeting and trying to laugh it off as no big deal. Especially when I have somewhat of a story behind it. And one of those "dang it" feelings far deep inside is when I see that obviously he doesn't feel the same. But hey, what can I do, you know? I'm not going to obsess over anything and make him like me. That's just wrong. So I shrug it off and assume that it's just not going to work. Especially if he's a friend. I don't want to lose a friendship over stupid feelings I have. It's just ridiculous. The only thing I'm afraid of and don't like is if there is awkwardness. Andd. .. if there is, and there's an intense amount of it, I just let it be. Step away from the friendship and let go. Because maybe sometimes those awkward moments just never heal up and it just doesn't feel right anymore, no matter how long it takes.
But I guess I give it my all if at a point, I feel like I need to tell the person I do like him and watch for the make-or-break moment.
Well anyways, overall, this weekend has been pretty good. [: I'm hoping I can have more enjoyable weekends like this.
"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?"
-- Vincent van Gogh
Friday, January 29, 2010
Forgiveness and smiles.
Forgiveness comes to me easier than most. It may not be quick, it may not be sudden, but it does come.
Just a few days ago, I confronted to my friend that I was really frustrated about how he kept telling me he'd visit me at school, two times to be precise, but never called, never showed. After the second time, I realized I was sick of hearing things like that. I wasn't mad that he didn't show up, I was mad because of the lack of action was taken that were supposed to follow those words.
Ever since I'm not sure when, I've been watching what I say to people. I make sure I don't say anything that would be considered a promise I can't keep. I don't tell other people anymore "Hey! Let's go hang out next week!" and then not talk to them about the plan after that. What's the point of making a make-believe plan when it's never going to turn into reality?
Getting back to the point, I was still pretty ticked after that. But then it quickly died off. I didn't feel the need to be mad anymore. And then today, I heard a rumor about him about partying hard so I asked him. I wouldn't know if this is exactly the truth or not but getting an answer about a rumor directly from the person is what I consider more of the truth than a twisted rumor. But he told me it was exaggeration. I believe him. And I forgive him for his broken words a few days ago. He's a friend and someone I've known since my sophomore year. I've had good times hanging out with him. I don't throw away friendship like that.
Now I'm just a bit disappointed in the person who told me the rumor. I don't want to but I am.
I have no clue of this part of the post makes sense but I guess I'm trying to say that no matter how bad something may be, I forgive in the end. Maybe that's what makes me emotionally vulnerable.
===
I tell others "it's okay" and smile. Why do I smile like a freak? Because I don't want others to stay in the pit of pain or agony. I put others before myself. Always. Sounds like bullshit but it's true. Sometimes I may be reluctant like when someone who I may be irritated with asks me for a quick car ride somewhere but I just go take them anyways. I hate the sound and feeling of disappointment. So I just smile and say "sure." I may sound like one of those annoying optimistic freaks who look on the sunshine part of things. I may be one of those optimistic freaks. Who knows. But smiling at someone or making someone smile, even if it's just a little, gives them a second of a positive moment, especially if they are in a bad time.
A second reason why I try and smile all the time because I'm trying to live the moment. Literally. Before, I used to always hide away and show a straight face. But now, I try and talk to anyone in class and smile and make small jokes and laugh. And with my friends, I don't sit around and stare off. With my friends in my classes, like in AP Economics, I would always talk, laugh, and smile before class with my friend who sat in front of me and my other friend who sat diagonally from me. They were hilariously awesome to talk to. Even if it was during an 8-minute passing period, I made most of those 8 minutes fun before dreadful lecture.
I may sound pathetic in the end but this is how I am. There are so many negative aspects of me such as not being able to keep a conversation going, getting mad easily, and even just getting moody. But I try and make up these bad aspects with what I feel is right to do. And forgiving and smiling are what I try and achieve.
"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."
-- Lewis B. Smedes
"If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours."
--Proverb
Just a few days ago, I confronted to my friend that I was really frustrated about how he kept telling me he'd visit me at school, two times to be precise, but never called, never showed. After the second time, I realized I was sick of hearing things like that. I wasn't mad that he didn't show up, I was mad because of the lack of action was taken that were supposed to follow those words.
Ever since I'm not sure when, I've been watching what I say to people. I make sure I don't say anything that would be considered a promise I can't keep. I don't tell other people anymore "Hey! Let's go hang out next week!" and then not talk to them about the plan after that. What's the point of making a make-believe plan when it's never going to turn into reality?
Getting back to the point, I was still pretty ticked after that. But then it quickly died off. I didn't feel the need to be mad anymore. And then today, I heard a rumor about him about partying hard so I asked him. I wouldn't know if this is exactly the truth or not but getting an answer about a rumor directly from the person is what I consider more of the truth than a twisted rumor. But he told me it was exaggeration. I believe him. And I forgive him for his broken words a few days ago. He's a friend and someone I've known since my sophomore year. I've had good times hanging out with him. I don't throw away friendship like that.
Now I'm just a bit disappointed in the person who told me the rumor. I don't want to but I am.
I have no clue of this part of the post makes sense but I guess I'm trying to say that no matter how bad something may be, I forgive in the end. Maybe that's what makes me emotionally vulnerable.
===
I tell others "it's okay" and smile. Why do I smile like a freak? Because I don't want others to stay in the pit of pain or agony. I put others before myself. Always. Sounds like bullshit but it's true. Sometimes I may be reluctant like when someone who I may be irritated with asks me for a quick car ride somewhere but I just go take them anyways. I hate the sound and feeling of disappointment. So I just smile and say "sure." I may sound like one of those annoying optimistic freaks who look on the sunshine part of things. I may be one of those optimistic freaks. Who knows. But smiling at someone or making someone smile, even if it's just a little, gives them a second of a positive moment, especially if they are in a bad time.
A second reason why I try and smile all the time because I'm trying to live the moment. Literally. Before, I used to always hide away and show a straight face. But now, I try and talk to anyone in class and smile and make small jokes and laugh. And with my friends, I don't sit around and stare off. With my friends in my classes, like in AP Economics, I would always talk, laugh, and smile before class with my friend who sat in front of me and my other friend who sat diagonally from me. They were hilariously awesome to talk to. Even if it was during an 8-minute passing period, I made most of those 8 minutes fun before dreadful lecture.
I may sound pathetic in the end but this is how I am. There are so many negative aspects of me such as not being able to keep a conversation going, getting mad easily, and even just getting moody. But I try and make up these bad aspects with what I feel is right to do. And forgiving and smiling are what I try and achieve.
"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."
-- Lewis B. Smedes
"If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours."
--Proverb
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Taking a risk & appreciation.
Have I written a post on taking a risk? Oh well. If I have, that was then, this is now. Risk taking has never been in my book before. I've always dodged it and kept it on the down low, on the safe side. But last year I thought about again and wonder, 'Why restrict myself just because it may do me harm emotionally or physically? Like that one saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."' So I've been taking risks. I've allow myself to take a risk of a heartbreak, a risk of breaking an arm, a risk of dreaming&hoping, a risk of something that will never come by again, a pure risk of life.
I may not be taking large steps into risk taking but it's just all what I feel is right for myself. I will take those small steps to a make or break situation. And I guess if things break, I will look to the fact that I won't have to look back on a change of the past. And if things make, go well, then I'll be proud of myself that I took the chance that would have not come by ever again.
===
The smallest things in life I appreciate. Simplicities are what I love most.
I love the decision of picking a bowl of food that's just all mixed together but delicious in the end instead of the plate of elegance and having only a hint of flavor.
I love the decision of sitting down and watching the world instead of feeling the rush of the city life.
I love the decision of going somewhere quiet with someone and just talking instead of a massive group of friends going this way and that.
Sometimes I may go haywire and think complex thoughts, over-think too many situations, and even just plain flipping out. But afterwords, I relax and just take the situation that is handed to me and accept it and move on. I'm still learning, and I feel that I'm learning well so far.
Appreciation is unappreciated so much these days.
"Take for granted" shows up more.
If only people focus and see that.
"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."
-- Leo F. Buscaglia
"Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did."
-- Sarah Caldwell
I may not be taking large steps into risk taking but it's just all what I feel is right for myself. I will take those small steps to a make or break situation. And I guess if things break, I will look to the fact that I won't have to look back on a change of the past. And if things make, go well, then I'll be proud of myself that I took the chance that would have not come by ever again.
===
The smallest things in life I appreciate. Simplicities are what I love most.
I love the decision of picking a bowl of food that's just all mixed together but delicious in the end instead of the plate of elegance and having only a hint of flavor.
I love the decision of sitting down and watching the world instead of feeling the rush of the city life.
I love the decision of going somewhere quiet with someone and just talking instead of a massive group of friends going this way and that.
Sometimes I may go haywire and think complex thoughts, over-think too many situations, and even just plain flipping out. But afterwords, I relax and just take the situation that is handed to me and accept it and move on. I'm still learning, and I feel that I'm learning well so far.
Appreciation is unappreciated so much these days.
"Take for granted" shows up more.
If only people focus and see that.
"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live."
-- Leo F. Buscaglia
"Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did."
-- Sarah Caldwell
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
And. . .here we go.
I'm listening to my favorite piano song and listening to the rain pitter-patter to the floor outside. It makes me relax and think about things. (:
Lately, I've been thinking a lot again about how this year is turning out for me. Yeah. I now see it's completely karma or something. My luck's been down the drain. LOL.
My grades haven't been pretty and finals start tomorrow. It's either a make or break with my B's to push up to A's. Physics I'm done for. It's a B. Math I can MAYBE cut it with a 90%. Just maybe if I ace the final tomorrow. English is a lost grade that I will see when report cards come in. APEcon is, I hope, just a B. And APEnvironmental. . .AHAHAHA. This was a failed semester for that class. No kidding. These next three days are going to be. . .a truck-load of stress. So much for my relaxation now. ):
Ugh. I tried twice just now to write about feelings but they both failed. I guess I'll make it simple. I met a guy. We talked and got to know each other better. I wasn't sure if I had a crush on him and I'm still not sure. I thought he was showing signs. I was totally off. He clarified he didn't have feelings. But I'm still a little confused on how things added up. This is the first guy in a while who I just couldn't get the right words to describe. Not in a good or bad way. It's just. . .I don't even know. I'm not upset over anything. But it's been in a while since I've thought so much. Not focusing on him, but just in general on what's going on with me right now.
Maybe I do have a grain-sized feeling for him. But it doesn't matter, you know?
"Never assume the obvious is true."
--William Safire
Lately, I've been thinking a lot again about how this year is turning out for me. Yeah. I now see it's completely karma or something. My luck's been down the drain. LOL.
My grades haven't been pretty and finals start tomorrow. It's either a make or break with my B's to push up to A's. Physics I'm done for. It's a B. Math I can MAYBE cut it with a 90%. Just maybe if I ace the final tomorrow. English is a lost grade that I will see when report cards come in. APEcon is, I hope, just a B. And APEnvironmental. . .AHAHAHA. This was a failed semester for that class. No kidding. These next three days are going to be. . .a truck-load of stress. So much for my relaxation now. ):
Ugh. I tried twice just now to write about feelings but they both failed. I guess I'll make it simple. I met a guy. We talked and got to know each other better. I wasn't sure if I had a crush on him and I'm still not sure. I thought he was showing signs. I was totally off. He clarified he didn't have feelings. But I'm still a little confused on how things added up. This is the first guy in a while who I just couldn't get the right words to describe. Not in a good or bad way. It's just. . .I don't even know. I'm not upset over anything. But it's been in a while since I've thought so much. Not focusing on him, but just in general on what's going on with me right now.
Maybe I do have a grain-sized feeling for him. But it doesn't matter, you know?
"Never assume the obvious is true."
--William Safire
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Hate: I never though I'd say it.
My heart doesn't have time, room, or itself to feel hate. But when something happens and it hurts me. . .especially when it happens more than once and then it SHATTERS me. . .I start feeling the word creep up on me. I may dislike a few people, but hate is a very rare thing for me and when I feel it, I despise it.
I never knew there were such big jerks out there in this world who are around my age. Maybe that's too much of an innocent thought but it's true, especially when one or two of the jerks were your friends. It hurts so much in the beginning. Then it forms into a feeling of every time they are seen, the heart grimaces.
I'll talk immature-wise. Every time I see the jerk at school, I want to raise the textbook in my hand and throw it at his head. My teeth grind from seeing him, I want to punch someone when I hear his name, I want to kick him down and then walk away.
I can't stand hearing his voice and hearing or seeing his name. I can't even stand a two-second glance of him.
I have my reasons for this hate. I have my side of the story that no one knows about. I never told anyone the complete story and never will no matter how much someone asks unless there's someone out there one day who I get very close to and doesn't know him.
He's one of the small reasons why I want to get out of high school. I hate the thought and feeling of how he can show up any minute and I'll want to chuck something at his face.
This is one of the most immature posts out of my whole blog but there's no other way to get this out there.
"Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire."
--Kurt Tucholsky
I never knew there were such big jerks out there in this world who are around my age. Maybe that's too much of an innocent thought but it's true, especially when one or two of the jerks were your friends. It hurts so much in the beginning. Then it forms into a feeling of every time they are seen, the heart grimaces.
I'll talk immature-wise. Every time I see the jerk at school, I want to raise the textbook in my hand and throw it at his head. My teeth grind from seeing him, I want to punch someone when I hear his name, I want to kick him down and then walk away.
I can't stand hearing his voice and hearing or seeing his name. I can't even stand a two-second glance of him.
I have my reasons for this hate. I have my side of the story that no one knows about. I never told anyone the complete story and never will no matter how much someone asks unless there's someone out there one day who I get very close to and doesn't know him.
He's one of the small reasons why I want to get out of high school. I hate the thought and feeling of how he can show up any minute and I'll want to chuck something at his face.
This is one of the most immature posts out of my whole blog but there's no other way to get this out there.
"Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire."
--Kurt Tucholsky
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Out in the pouring rain.
I love the rain. I just love it. The sounds of the pit-pit-pitter patter. The small drops that fall from the sky and onto our heads. Maybe I don't want it to rain everyday, but when it does, I smile.
I used to hate being soaked in rain when I go to school. The uncomfortable feeling of drenched jackets and jeans. The clumps of hair that hang over when writing. But today was different.
At lunch, it didn't rain. It poured. At first, I was afraid of my converses getting completely soaked but as the bell rang and we had to speed over to our next class, I was already drenched from head to toe. Then I had a sense of carelessness for it all.
After my friends walked off to their classes and I continued to my class, I just dropped and closed my umbrella. I let the rain pour on my head. I smiled. But I didn't want anyone to ask me why I'm holding an umbrella and not using it so I just opened it back up. But I never put it above my head. I just walked to class, letting my cardigan and jeans soak up the rain, shivering to the bone. But I loved it.
When I got into my classroom, I didn't care what I looked like. I didn't care that my hair was a drenched mess. I didn't care that my red Link Crew shirt had big blotches of darker red from the rain. I just sat, drowned out the voices of all the students in the class and listened to the intense rain.
Maybe I'm being a child about having such a passion for the pouring rain but I don't care. Everyone may hate the rain and think that it's so gloomy and love a sun-shiny day but I don't care. That makes me not part of everyone.
"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I used to hate being soaked in rain when I go to school. The uncomfortable feeling of drenched jackets and jeans. The clumps of hair that hang over when writing. But today was different.
At lunch, it didn't rain. It poured. At first, I was afraid of my converses getting completely soaked but as the bell rang and we had to speed over to our next class, I was already drenched from head to toe. Then I had a sense of carelessness for it all.
After my friends walked off to their classes and I continued to my class, I just dropped and closed my umbrella. I let the rain pour on my head. I smiled. But I didn't want anyone to ask me why I'm holding an umbrella and not using it so I just opened it back up. But I never put it above my head. I just walked to class, letting my cardigan and jeans soak up the rain, shivering to the bone. But I loved it.
When I got into my classroom, I didn't care what I looked like. I didn't care that my hair was a drenched mess. I didn't care that my red Link Crew shirt had big blotches of darker red from the rain. I just sat, drowned out the voices of all the students in the class and listened to the intense rain.
Maybe I'm being a child about having such a passion for the pouring rain but I don't care. Everyone may hate the rain and think that it's so gloomy and love a sun-shiny day but I don't care. That makes me not part of everyone.
"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Perfection is NOT the key.
Practice makes perfect. Oh, really now? Ridiculous is listed under the definition of perfect. I have met many people with the attempts to be "perfectionists" in my life. I just laugh and shake my head. In my book, I scratch out perfect and write in doing the best to the ability and maxing it out. Maybe this is a rant. Maybe this puts forth the truth before people's eyes. I wouldn't know.
I used to want to be perfect because I saw that I couldn't do anything with myself. I KNOW that I'm not fully capable of anything. I have to face it: I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I can't keep a conversation going if it saved my life, I have no special talents, I have horrible habits, I'm clumsy, I get angry easily, I haven't accomplished anything big, and I'm disorganized. But now I know that the word "perfection" will not get me anywhere. I'm just going to have to continue living life, trying to find what I can do best. I have to try and make these negatives lean a little towards the positive. But I don't expect myself to completely reverse myself.
Maybe this is pessimism. Maybe I'm just being a joke because there maybe be perfection somewhere out there. But tell me this, where is something, anything in this world, that is perfect before EVERYONE'S eyes?
"The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection."
--George Orwell
I used to want to be perfect because I saw that I couldn't do anything with myself. I KNOW that I'm not fully capable of anything. I have to face it: I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I can't keep a conversation going if it saved my life, I have no special talents, I have horrible habits, I'm clumsy, I get angry easily, I haven't accomplished anything big, and I'm disorganized. But now I know that the word "perfection" will not get me anywhere. I'm just going to have to continue living life, trying to find what I can do best. I have to try and make these negatives lean a little towards the positive. But I don't expect myself to completely reverse myself.
Maybe this is pessimism. Maybe I'm just being a joke because there maybe be perfection somewhere out there. But tell me this, where is something, anything in this world, that is perfect before EVERYONE'S eyes?
"The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection."
--George Orwell
Saturday, January 9, 2010
JTNP
I squinted as I looked up at the height. I look back at eye level and got myself ready. I put my foot on a part of the rock that could keep me stable. My heart beats quickly from the adrenaline pumping through my veins. My foot aims for the next rock to hold me up. I grab on and pull myself forward. Higher and higher. As I climbed a few more big rocks, I became quick with my feet and hopped from rock to rock. I finally reached the top, about 10 or 11 or even 12 feet above the ground. I look around the vast land. I hear fellow students talking at their normal voice but they're miles away. I scream out. I hear my echo. Echo. Echo. I smile. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity accomplished. It may not be the extreme bouldering that others do, but hey. The first time is just a baby step.
Today was a trip for AP Environmental Science to Joshua Tree National Park in Twentythreepalms. 2 hour car ride there starting at 5:30am and came back at 5:45pm. Dead. Tired. But it was awesome. Sitting in the 15-passenger van, laughing and enjoying the car ride there. A feeling of relaxation. Sleep, of course, came and went during the whole day but when we were out of the van when we got to the park, I was bolting around, keeping up with the group and learning a vast amount of information about deserts. The views from up above Keys View was extraordinary. The partially snow-capped mountains. The sight of the San Andres Fault. The view of the irrigation in the town of Indio. The view of the Salton Sea.
Climbing rocks was at the end of the trip around 2:00pm. This was the highlight of my day. First I was a bit iffy when the teacher said we can go climb rocks now because I'm afraid of heights. I was thinking to myself that I'm not going to dare myself to go high. But then I thought to myself, "Who am I kidding? I might not even be able to do this ever again." So I began to climb (I made sure I can somehow get down though haha). Then soon, I was quick on my feet, popping off rocks and climbing all over. It was just purely FUN. I was following Huy where he could climb. I was surprisingly able to climb where he climbed too. Then when we climbed our last rock and Nicole quickly following behind, we were talking to each other in our normal voices even though we were about 6 feet apart. The land was extremely quiet. Even a slight close-by whisper could be heard. It was amazing.
This is all I can describe right now. The experience has 10x more detail. I'm just. . .astounded by what I've seen and climbed today. Completely in awe.
Then after the trip, Nicole, Huy, Nicole's little brother, and I went to go watch Avatar at 7pm. It was an alright movie but not something I would watch a second time, personally. Haha.
Today has been a tiring but extraordinary day.
"There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them."
-- Tom Krause
Today was a trip for AP Environmental Science to Joshua Tree National Park in Twentythreepalms. 2 hour car ride there starting at 5:30am and came back at 5:45pm. Dead. Tired. But it was awesome. Sitting in the 15-passenger van, laughing and enjoying the car ride there. A feeling of relaxation. Sleep, of course, came and went during the whole day but when we were out of the van when we got to the park, I was bolting around, keeping up with the group and learning a vast amount of information about deserts. The views from up above Keys View was extraordinary. The partially snow-capped mountains. The sight of the San Andres Fault. The view of the irrigation in the town of Indio. The view of the Salton Sea.
Climbing rocks was at the end of the trip around 2:00pm. This was the highlight of my day. First I was a bit iffy when the teacher said we can go climb rocks now because I'm afraid of heights. I was thinking to myself that I'm not going to dare myself to go high. But then I thought to myself, "Who am I kidding? I might not even be able to do this ever again." So I began to climb (I made sure I can somehow get down though haha). Then soon, I was quick on my feet, popping off rocks and climbing all over. It was just purely FUN. I was following Huy where he could climb. I was surprisingly able to climb where he climbed too. Then when we climbed our last rock and Nicole quickly following behind, we were talking to each other in our normal voices even though we were about 6 feet apart. The land was extremely quiet. Even a slight close-by whisper could be heard. It was amazing.
This is all I can describe right now. The experience has 10x more detail. I'm just. . .astounded by what I've seen and climbed today. Completely in awe.
Then after the trip, Nicole, Huy, Nicole's little brother, and I went to go watch Avatar at 7pm. It was an alright movie but not something I would watch a second time, personally. Haha.
Today has been a tiring but extraordinary day.
"There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them."
-- Tom Krause
Friday, January 8, 2010
Sing like no one's listening.
Whenever I hear the perfect song, I quickly search for it and download it. Then I get so into it that I start singing when no one's around. When my parents are not home, I blast my music and sing like I don't give a care in the world. I'm a terrible singer but singing by myself makes me feel relieved. Especially when I'm emotional and frustrated, singing is the best way for me to let go of my feelings without having to describe anything.
Ever since last year, someone smacked the fact that I tell people my problems too much. So I've closed up and learned to keep it to myself unless I can't handle it anymore. But if I do close up, singing helps me let go of the bottled up feeling in a totally different way. Maybe that's why I love music so much. There's a different emotion in each song, so I line up a line of songs and mix those emotions together until I make it my own. Sometimes I blast my iPod and close my eyes and listen. I leave my real world behind and fall into a world of my own. Music saves my heart. Music saves my emotions. Music just saves me.
I may not be in those amazing choirs. I may not let any one hear me just because. But when music comes about my ears, I can't help but sing and allow myself to drift away with the beats.
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent."
-- Victor Hugo
Ever since last year, someone smacked the fact that I tell people my problems too much. So I've closed up and learned to keep it to myself unless I can't handle it anymore. But if I do close up, singing helps me let go of the bottled up feeling in a totally different way. Maybe that's why I love music so much. There's a different emotion in each song, so I line up a line of songs and mix those emotions together until I make it my own. Sometimes I blast my iPod and close my eyes and listen. I leave my real world behind and fall into a world of my own. Music saves my heart. Music saves my emotions. Music just saves me.
I may not be in those amazing choirs. I may not let any one hear me just because. But when music comes about my ears, I can't help but sing and allow myself to drift away with the beats.
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent."
-- Victor Hugo
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Recently so much thinking and "what if?"s
I'm surprised my mind hasn't broken into pieces yet. Recently, I've been thinking SO much that I sometimes "lose" sleep. I just stay up thinking and thinking and it won't stop. I think of all the possibilities that come with my actions. I think of the silliest things. I reminiscence on the very small memories. I think about the future. I think about who I will meet. I think about who I will lose. I think about school. I think about people. And the list goes on and on.
Today is January 6th, 2010. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that it's 2010. I vowed for a good year. It's turning out. . .pretty bad so far. Maybe I cursed it when I was at Downtown Disney and I was mean by judging people walking by (because I was bored. . .). Gah. I don't even know. But this year continues to lead to MANY thoughts of the "what if's". It's getting tiring but I don't know what to do.
I need to pull myself together again and get this year straight and hit it strong. I still have time. I hope. But I'm already tired. What am I to do?
"I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right."
--Albert Einstein
Today is January 6th, 2010. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that it's 2010. I vowed for a good year. It's turning out. . .pretty bad so far. Maybe I cursed it when I was at Downtown Disney and I was mean by judging people walking by (because I was bored. . .). Gah. I don't even know. But this year continues to lead to MANY thoughts of the "what if's". It's getting tiring but I don't know what to do.
I need to pull myself together again and get this year straight and hit it strong. I still have time. I hope. But I'm already tired. What am I to do?
"I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right."
--Albert Einstein
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Love is beautifully painful.
Yesterday I stepped into a market and saw that there were already Valentine's Day cards set up. Are you kidding me?! It JUST hit January and Valentine's Day is coming up real fast. Unbelievable.
As much as I kind of don't like Valentine's Day, It'd be really cute to. . .have someone? Hahah. I can't believe I just said that. But I guess it's true. I THOUGHT I might have found a guy just recently to "crush" on and thought MAYBE something might happen but it was totallyyyyyy all in my head. Like always. Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone. LOL. I'm practically cursed every time I think I might be able to be involved with someone. It always hits me in the face.
Well another year to see the adorable couples pass by. Another year to see red and pink everywhere. Another year to have a romantic day like this pass by.
Next year, maybe in college, someone will show up in my life. The guy who I've been waiting for. Just maybe. One of these days.
Short pointless post, but it's just what's in my head right now.
"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life."
--Oscar Wilde
As much as I kind of don't like Valentine's Day, It'd be really cute to. . .have someone? Hahah. I can't believe I just said that. But I guess it's true. I THOUGHT I might have found a guy just recently to "crush" on and thought MAYBE something might happen but it was totallyyyyyy all in my head. Like always. Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone. LOL. I'm practically cursed every time I think I might be able to be involved with someone. It always hits me in the face.
Well another year to see the adorable couples pass by. Another year to see red and pink everywhere. Another year to have a romantic day like this pass by.
Next year, maybe in college, someone will show up in my life. The guy who I've been waiting for. Just maybe. One of these days.
Short pointless post, but it's just what's in my head right now.
"If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life."
--Oscar Wilde
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010. . .a fresh start?
Last night, I went to Downtown Disney with my friend and his friends and family to go count down. It was AMAZING. There were sooo many people there and everyone was hyped up. We got to the front of California Adventures about 8 minutes before the new year. Then we just looked around. I was just in awe the entire time.
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And then 10 seconds remained. . .everyone counted. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. . .HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fireworks BOOMED.
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Amazing. Next year, I'm going to the beach for sure. . .and hopefully with someone I can kiss when it hits 12am. ;D LOL. Just kiddingg.
2010 calls for a fresh start. Or at least an attempt to. I'm going to take risks. I'm going to end high school right. I'm going to volunteer as much as I can. I'm going to change for the better. I'm going to try and slowly let go of bad habits. Many, and I mean MANY, people make a New Year's Resolution and leave it behind them after a month or so. I am going to try and vow not to do that. I have to make these things happen.
As the Chinese say, "加油!"
As the Koreans say, "AJA AJA FIGHTING!"
"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
--Mary Pickford
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And then 10 seconds remained. . .everyone counted. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. . .HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fireworks BOOMED.
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Amazing. Next year, I'm going to the beach for sure. . .and hopefully with someone I can kiss when it hits 12am. ;D LOL. Just kiddingg.
2010 calls for a fresh start. Or at least an attempt to. I'm going to take risks. I'm going to end high school right. I'm going to volunteer as much as I can. I'm going to change for the better. I'm going to try and slowly let go of bad habits. Many, and I mean MANY, people make a New Year's Resolution and leave it behind them after a month or so. I am going to try and vow not to do that. I have to make these things happen.
As the Chinese say, "加油!"
As the Koreans say, "AJA AJA FIGHTING!"
"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
--Mary Pickford
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