I'll admit. Sometimes, I may observe, notice, and realize deep concepts and a few of those times, I'm right. But the MAJORITY of the time, I'm dense.
I don't realize subtle hints.
I don't get a whole bunch of dirty jokes (and it's gonna STAY that way >_<).
I may think that someone likes me but I shake it off quickly and forget about it if something realistic hits me and I don't think about it again, even if it may be true. I don't know anything until someone tells me flat out or give me the most OBVIOUS clues that even a monkey would figure it out.
And other times, I might notice that someone doesn't like me/hates me. It's the most AWKWARD feeling to be around the person when they don't like me. I think I know. . .two people who most likely don't like me? Maybe even resent me? But I didn't do shit to them so I don't care and have nothing to be sorry for LOL. I just try and be nice. (:
Oh well. I don't know why I'm posting this but I'm just saying. . .don't hint me. LOL. Because I'm not gonna get it.
And keep my mind clean. I hate hearing dirty things. D:
And if you hate me but too afraid to say it, then you're a pussy. YEAH. I SAID IT. Tell it to my face if I did something wrong to you.
I can't find a quote for this so ):
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Egotism.
Self-confidence is a good thing. It keeps you from bringing yourself down too much and it allows you to aim for things that might seem impossible if it were not for the confidence. But TOO MUCH self-confidence is just. . .how would I put it. . .ridiculous? The haughty attitude and noses in the air are all just disturbing to see. Some think that they are so much better than others. Some think that everyone wants them. It's just. . .arghh.
Yesterday, I went to StickiPicki with some friends. One more person was supposed to come, who is my ex. My friend told me in 85 degrees that he wasn't coming. She told me he told her on the phone that it's "awkward". Obviously it was because of me. REALLY, DUDE? REALLY? I've been over him ever since. . .the end of November? He still thinks I'm in love with him. His ego fluffed him up to thinking that he's too good to be my friend because he still thinks I'm goo-goo about him. I'm done with hating him. I just want to be friends. I even called truce and offered a hand-shake because I just want to leave the awkwardness and problems behind. But apparently he likes to leave it awkward.
Before yesterday, yeah, I wanted to be his friend. He knew me best for a long time. But after I heard that he didn't want to come because of me and the AWKWARDNESS that might occur, I was done. I was pissed and still am. His self-confidence blinded him with the past and thinking that the past is still occurring. It's seriously ridiculous.
I'm not going to put an effort in if I know I won't be met halfway.
"Some times, another's ego can corrupt a true friendship."
--Unknown
Yesterday, I went to StickiPicki with some friends. One more person was supposed to come, who is my ex. My friend told me in 85 degrees that he wasn't coming. She told me he told her on the phone that it's "awkward". Obviously it was because of me. REALLY, DUDE? REALLY? I've been over him ever since. . .the end of November? He still thinks I'm in love with him. His ego fluffed him up to thinking that he's too good to be my friend because he still thinks I'm goo-goo about him. I'm done with hating him. I just want to be friends. I even called truce and offered a hand-shake because I just want to leave the awkwardness and problems behind. But apparently he likes to leave it awkward.
Before yesterday, yeah, I wanted to be his friend. He knew me best for a long time. But after I heard that he didn't want to come because of me and the AWKWARDNESS that might occur, I was done. I was pissed and still am. His self-confidence blinded him with the past and thinking that the past is still occurring. It's seriously ridiculous.
I'm not going to put an effort in if I know I won't be met halfway.
"Some times, another's ego can corrupt a true friendship."
--Unknown
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Realization & the switching of roles.
Realization comes in two different forms. It either slowly grows on you or hits you right in the face. Lately, it's always been HITTING ME IN THE FACE. It comes at me fast and I don't see anything until BAM. And then. . .it has the most negative effect to my feelings and I HATE IT.
The most latest realization hit me VERY QUICK and I definitely switched roles with the person. In the summer of '08, he was in my spot and now the winter/spring of '10, I don't know why but now I'm a bit in his. This is almost the EXACT position he was in. And now it's killing me. I think it hit me last night. I never intended for this. I never thought about this. This realization just. . .HAPPENED last night when I was talking to him. This is a small thing (obviously it can't be THAT big) but it has a BIG meaning to me and I don't like it. Not one bit.
98% of how I feel is because I concern for him. He's one of my closest friends and if anything happens to him, I'm there in a flash. We did stop talking a bit last year and I think we won't be talking much again after today but no matter what, he knows me well enough to be one of the people who are closer to me than many of the people I know.
2% of how I feel is conflicting. I don't know if I feel this way because I miss seeing him and hanging out with him or if I feel this way because there might be something else.
But I can't say a word about it except to one person because she understands. We both know him and we know what has happened before.
Shoot my heart. It's driving me crazy.
"The distance is great from the firm belief to the realization from concrete experience"
-- Isabella I of Spain
The most latest realization hit me VERY QUICK and I definitely switched roles with the person. In the summer of '08, he was in my spot and now the winter/spring of '10, I don't know why but now I'm a bit in his. This is almost the EXACT position he was in. And now it's killing me. I think it hit me last night. I never intended for this. I never thought about this. This realization just. . .HAPPENED last night when I was talking to him. This is a small thing (obviously it can't be THAT big) but it has a BIG meaning to me and I don't like it. Not one bit.
98% of how I feel is because I concern for him. He's one of my closest friends and if anything happens to him, I'm there in a flash. We did stop talking a bit last year and I think we won't be talking much again after today but no matter what, he knows me well enough to be one of the people who are closer to me than many of the people I know.
2% of how I feel is conflicting. I don't know if I feel this way because I miss seeing him and hanging out with him or if I feel this way because there might be something else.
But I can't say a word about it except to one person because she understands. We both know him and we know what has happened before.
Shoot my heart. It's driving me crazy.
"The distance is great from the firm belief to the realization from concrete experience"
-- Isabella I of Spain
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I never knew people can lie so well.
I hate lies. Who doesn't? The biggest lie I hate is when I can see right through it. It's obvious that person is lying but what can I do?
I've learned not to trust as much as I did before. To me, there are two different trusts. The first one is a general clump of trust I hand people the first time I meet them and it builds from there. If they give me basis of information that is based off of lies, then be it. Unstable support of a friendship is just going to come crashing down later. The second trust is a serious trust that I don't hand people at all. I may "sprinkle" it on a few certain people, but other then that, I just can't do it. This trust hurts me and destroys me.
Anyway, basic lies are just stupid. Sometimes, like in the situation I'm in right now, I'll believe the lie because this information came from the direct person's mouth. If he wants to lie to me, then be it. I just won't trust him. Believing and trusting are totally different for me.
But the thing is, it's funny how I feel mad about this situation, yet, I feel guilty too. I'm trying to remain neutral but I don't even know. I'm being white lied to by both sides. I know that for sure. If I'm not to say "lie", then I'll say "in the wrong". Because one was all over the place with his information and the other person's story doesn't match the first person's.
I thought this situation had already passed but it was brought back up 2 nights ago. This is a BIG thing to me and I don't even know what to do or say anymore.
"People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to"
-- Malcolm Muggeridge
I've learned not to trust as much as I did before. To me, there are two different trusts. The first one is a general clump of trust I hand people the first time I meet them and it builds from there. If they give me basis of information that is based off of lies, then be it. Unstable support of a friendship is just going to come crashing down later. The second trust is a serious trust that I don't hand people at all. I may "sprinkle" it on a few certain people, but other then that, I just can't do it. This trust hurts me and destroys me.
Anyway, basic lies are just stupid. Sometimes, like in the situation I'm in right now, I'll believe the lie because this information came from the direct person's mouth. If he wants to lie to me, then be it. I just won't trust him. Believing and trusting are totally different for me.
But the thing is, it's funny how I feel mad about this situation, yet, I feel guilty too. I'm trying to remain neutral but I don't even know. I'm being white lied to by both sides. I know that for sure. If I'm not to say "lie", then I'll say "in the wrong". Because one was all over the place with his information and the other person's story doesn't match the first person's.
I thought this situation had already passed but it was brought back up 2 nights ago. This is a BIG thing to me and I don't even know what to do or say anymore.
"People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to"
-- Malcolm Muggeridge
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Finally about my weekend.
So in the end, on Saturday, I stayed home and cleaned my ENTIRE room. Now it looks. . .well. . .a lot clearer than before. LOL. I actually felt very accomplished. (:
On Sunday, I went to LA with my parents. We went to two temples. The first temple was very quick. We just went in, lit incense and prayed. Then we just walked out and stayed for a bit because my dad was talking to my uncle. After that, we headed to a second temple in Chinatown. It was EXTREMELY crowded because there was a performance going on. We had to squeeze our way through just to get incenses. I think I saw someone who I've only talked to twice last year but I didn't bother saying anything. That would have been really weird. LOL. Soon after, I met up with some of my dad's side of the family and I got my red envelopes. After about an hour of that temple, me, my parents, my aunt, my two uncles, and my three cousins headed to Little Tokyo. I haven't been there for at least a year! It was awesome. (:
After just buying some food in the end, my parents headed off to my mom's side of the family's party and I stayed with my cousins because I don't talk to anyone on my mom's side. ): My cousins, uncles, and aunt headed to a mall in Cerritos. It was HUGE! We stepped into supposedly the biggest Forever 21. It was two stories! I saw a lot of nice clothes but I didn't want to hold my cousins back with my lame fashion. LOL. Then we headed off to get some boba. I saw this adorable guy with glasses and headphones with his friends. ANYWAYS, LOL. We went to go eat dinner at Sam Woo BBQ! Yum yum. It was good. (: Then I saw another pretty cute guy at the restaurant. I thinkkkkk he looked over a bit and I looked over too. AHAHA. But oh well. We finished eating and left. He left the same time we did.
On Monday, I went to go watch Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson (The Lightening Thief) with the same three cousins and uncle. We first ate at La Salsa and then we went to watch Valentine's Day first. IT WAS ADORABLEEEE. I thought it would be like He's Just Not That Into You but not really. It was a lot better. xD Afterward, we went to go watch Lightening Thief. It was alrightttt. It was pretty predictable. But the main character is cute. ;D He's the same age as me too! Rofl. So lame. When we got back home, we had a family party at my house and then everything settled down around 9pm. It was a good day. (:
Anyhoo. It was an alright weekend. I wonder how this upcoming weekend is going to be.
"There aren't enough days in the weekend."
-- Rod Schmidt
On Sunday, I went to LA with my parents. We went to two temples. The first temple was very quick. We just went in, lit incense and prayed. Then we just walked out and stayed for a bit because my dad was talking to my uncle. After that, we headed to a second temple in Chinatown. It was EXTREMELY crowded because there was a performance going on. We had to squeeze our way through just to get incenses. I think I saw someone who I've only talked to twice last year but I didn't bother saying anything. That would have been really weird. LOL. Soon after, I met up with some of my dad's side of the family and I got my red envelopes. After about an hour of that temple, me, my parents, my aunt, my two uncles, and my three cousins headed to Little Tokyo. I haven't been there for at least a year! It was awesome. (:
After just buying some food in the end, my parents headed off to my mom's side of the family's party and I stayed with my cousins because I don't talk to anyone on my mom's side. ): My cousins, uncles, and aunt headed to a mall in Cerritos. It was HUGE! We stepped into supposedly the biggest Forever 21. It was two stories! I saw a lot of nice clothes but I didn't want to hold my cousins back with my lame fashion. LOL. Then we headed off to get some boba. I saw this adorable guy with glasses and headphones with his friends. ANYWAYS, LOL. We went to go eat dinner at Sam Woo BBQ! Yum yum. It was good. (: Then I saw another pretty cute guy at the restaurant. I thinkkkkk he looked over a bit and I looked over too. AHAHA. But oh well. We finished eating and left. He left the same time we did.
On Monday, I went to go watch Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson (The Lightening Thief) with the same three cousins and uncle. We first ate at La Salsa and then we went to watch Valentine's Day first. IT WAS ADORABLEEEE. I thought it would be like He's Just Not That Into You but not really. It was a lot better. xD Afterward, we went to go watch Lightening Thief. It was alrightttt. It was pretty predictable. But the main character is cute. ;D He's the same age as me too! Rofl. So lame. When we got back home, we had a family party at my house and then everything settled down around 9pm. It was a good day. (:
Anyhoo. It was an alright weekend. I wonder how this upcoming weekend is going to be.
"There aren't enough days in the weekend."
-- Rod Schmidt
Friday, February 12, 2010
The looks of this weekend.
I guess I will post before and after this weekend.
I got two Valentine's Day grams at school. That was interesting. LOL. Just from friends.
Today, I volunteered at the Tet Festival with Jacqueline! It was pretty fun for the first half. We had to role-play in these costumes. . .I don't know what it's called. But it wasn't that bad. We went from 2pm-5pm. By the time it hit 4:15pm though, we were grouchy and tired because we were super hungry! So afterward, we roamed off and bought Lee's Sandwich after getting back into our normal clothes. YES. LEE'S SANDWICH. IT WAS AFFORDABLE AND FILLING. Very late lunch. Hahah. Then we roamed around the advertising booths and got free stuff! Soon after, we met up with Nhan. Then we attacked each other. LOL. I never knew piggy-back rides can get so scary and violent. ):
Tomorrow I might go to the Tet Festival if I can round up a few friends. If not, I'm going to stay home and clean before Chinese New Years. Oh man! This year I'm actually going to spend time with both sides of the family, after all these years. Sunday is going to be with my mom's side of the family and then Monday will be my dad's side. I wonder how this weekend will go.
So Sunday happens to be New Years and Valentine's Day. Wooo. Valentine's Day. So much love. So much excitement for the couples. (: It's cute. It makes me wonder of someone, someday. I don't think I ever had a legit Valentine before. Oh well. My first Valentine will be someone special. (: I hope, I hope, I hope. But this year, nothing will happen. Just going to be spending my time with family. . .who I don't talk to. LOL. Phail. Oh well. One of these days? (:
"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
--La Rochefoucauld
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
-- Bill Vaughn
Half and half? hahah.
I got two Valentine's Day grams at school. That was interesting. LOL. Just from friends.
Today, I volunteered at the Tet Festival with Jacqueline! It was pretty fun for the first half. We had to role-play in these costumes. . .I don't know what it's called. But it wasn't that bad. We went from 2pm-5pm. By the time it hit 4:15pm though, we were grouchy and tired because we were super hungry! So afterward, we roamed off and bought Lee's Sandwich after getting back into our normal clothes. YES. LEE'S SANDWICH. IT WAS AFFORDABLE AND FILLING. Very late lunch. Hahah. Then we roamed around the advertising booths and got free stuff! Soon after, we met up with Nhan. Then we attacked each other. LOL. I never knew piggy-back rides can get so scary and violent. ):
Tomorrow I might go to the Tet Festival if I can round up a few friends. If not, I'm going to stay home and clean before Chinese New Years. Oh man! This year I'm actually going to spend time with both sides of the family, after all these years. Sunday is going to be with my mom's side of the family and then Monday will be my dad's side. I wonder how this weekend will go.
So Sunday happens to be New Years and Valentine's Day. Wooo. Valentine's Day. So much love. So much excitement for the couples. (: It's cute. It makes me wonder of someone, someday. I don't think I ever had a legit Valentine before. Oh well. My first Valentine will be someone special. (: I hope, I hope, I hope. But this year, nothing will happen. Just going to be spending my time with family. . .who I don't talk to. LOL. Phail. Oh well. One of these days? (:
"True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen."
--La Rochefoucauld
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
-- Bill Vaughn
Half and half? hahah.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Just a dreamer that sets herself up for disappointment.
My thoughts roam. My hopes soar high. My imagination runs wild. I try and shake it off but all of it clings onto me. Then as I try and ignore it all, I run into the wall of reality. I face what's on paper. I face what is set in stone. I just look and shake my head. Disappointment.
At this moment, my mind blanks. I don't even know what to say anymore. Just that I want to start fresh. This past month did not count as my New Year. It was part of my mistaken 2009 year. Starting midnight tonight, I hope to seriously start anew. During the day, I've realized that I'm reversing myself backwards and I don't want that. Like I said before, I vowed this year to be good, if not great. I want to live moments that are unforgettable. I don't want to regret so much like I did last year. What's done is done.
But the thing I cannot avoid is dreaming and disappointment. I set myself up and then knock myself down. These are my obstacles this year. I hope to conquer them. I just hope I don't hit rock bottom again. I want to rise and rise and only trip once in a while. Please, I hope for that.
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
-- Thomas Hardy
At this moment, my mind blanks. I don't even know what to say anymore. Just that I want to start fresh. This past month did not count as my New Year. It was part of my mistaken 2009 year. Starting midnight tonight, I hope to seriously start anew. During the day, I've realized that I'm reversing myself backwards and I don't want that. Like I said before, I vowed this year to be good, if not great. I want to live moments that are unforgettable. I don't want to regret so much like I did last year. What's done is done.
But the thing I cannot avoid is dreaming and disappointment. I set myself up and then knock myself down. These are my obstacles this year. I hope to conquer them. I just hope I don't hit rock bottom again. I want to rise and rise and only trip once in a while. Please, I hope for that.
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
-- Thomas Hardy
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Butteflies.
Even though I completely assume what I consider the truth, the flutters just won't go away.
I don't even know how this happened.
And now I don't know if I should close off this feeling or not.
I can and when I do, I'll block out all thoughts and feelings.
But at the same time I don't want to because. . .and that's when I lose my reason.
I'm so lost.
Arghh. I'll let time take this confusion away.
I don't even know how this happened.
And now I don't know if I should close off this feeling or not.
I can and when I do, I'll block out all thoughts and feelings.
But at the same time I don't want to because. . .and that's when I lose my reason.
I'm so lost.
Arghh. I'll let time take this confusion away.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Another music blog post (:
So ever since last night around 11:40pm-ishh, I discovered an AMAZING Youtube artist from my friend's AIM status link. LOLLL. I clicked on it and I listened to his cover of Nothin' On You by B.O.B. I WAS SPEECHLESS. His voice makes people in awe. I'm not crazy either because I looked at some of the comments and all of them were extremely positive comments. Then I listened to one of his original songs and I fell in love with it. I don't think I've ever been this appreciative of a YouTube artist before. Today in my classes, I was so eager to take out my iPod and listen to some of his songs. His songs make me smile. I don't even know why. LOL. This sounds so lame but it's true. I've heard really good YouTube singers but this one stood out most to me by far.
So many people love to listen to so many of the songs on the radio about sex, drugs, and the "gangstuhh lyfe". LMAO. Though I'll admit some are pretty good, most are just "whatever." I don't understand why some people love every single one of those songs. Maybe it's just me because I intend to listen to the lyrics because I love good lyrics in a song but so many of them are directly/indirectly saying how much they want a woman in their pants. No kidding. So when a dirty song comes up, I listen to my favorite rock station. (: And if there's nothing on there either, I resort to my iPod.
What I'm trying to say is that I love music with meaning. Once in a while I may listen to a song that doesn't have a deep meaning but it just has a good beat. But most of the time when I find a song that sounds good, I look up the lyrics. After a year or two, I've realized that so many unknown artists' songs are incredible. And then I wonder why they aren't discovered and made it big yet. And even if they have a record label, why they're not SUPER big yet, like being on radio and promoted. But I guess there's an upside to that because then I wouldn't have to listen to it being in mainstream and repetitively playing all day.
Like my "praise" to the YouTube artist, listening to undiscovered, non-big music doesn't necessarily mean it's lame, isn't good, and shouldn't be listened to. It's pretty hard to find really good music like this nowadays. Like I said, there are just those mainstream songs that overtake the radio everyday, playing at least 4-5 times all day (and that's only ONE station). it's just tiring to listen to the same songs over and over again, especially those that are just meaningless.
MY RECOMMENDATIONS OF PEOPLE/GROUPS? LOLLL.
UrbanGermany ♥
The Summer Set
Safetysuit ♥
The Cab ♥
Goerge Nozuka
The Maine
Parachute
yayay (:
"To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable."
--Aaron Copland
So many people love to listen to so many of the songs on the radio about sex, drugs, and the "gangstuhh lyfe". LMAO. Though I'll admit some are pretty good, most are just "whatever." I don't understand why some people love every single one of those songs. Maybe it's just me because I intend to listen to the lyrics because I love good lyrics in a song but so many of them are directly/indirectly saying how much they want a woman in their pants. No kidding. So when a dirty song comes up, I listen to my favorite rock station. (: And if there's nothing on there either, I resort to my iPod.
What I'm trying to say is that I love music with meaning. Once in a while I may listen to a song that doesn't have a deep meaning but it just has a good beat. But most of the time when I find a song that sounds good, I look up the lyrics. After a year or two, I've realized that so many unknown artists' songs are incredible. And then I wonder why they aren't discovered and made it big yet. And even if they have a record label, why they're not SUPER big yet, like being on radio and promoted. But I guess there's an upside to that because then I wouldn't have to listen to it being in mainstream and repetitively playing all day.
Like my "praise" to the YouTube artist, listening to undiscovered, non-big music doesn't necessarily mean it's lame, isn't good, and shouldn't be listened to. It's pretty hard to find really good music like this nowadays. Like I said, there are just those mainstream songs that overtake the radio everyday, playing at least 4-5 times all day (and that's only ONE station). it's just tiring to listen to the same songs over and over again, especially those that are just meaningless.
MY RECOMMENDATIONS OF PEOPLE/GROUPS? LOLLL.
UrbanGermany ♥
The Summer Set
Safetysuit ♥
The Cab ♥
Goerge Nozuka
The Maine
Parachute
yayay (:
"To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable."
--Aaron Copland
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