Realization comes in two different forms. It either slowly grows on you or hits you right in the face. Lately, it's always been HITTING ME IN THE FACE. It comes at me fast and I don't see anything until BAM. And then. . .it has the most negative effect to my feelings and I HATE IT.
The most latest realization hit me VERY QUICK and I definitely switched roles with the person. In the summer of '08, he was in my spot and now the winter/spring of '10, I don't know why but now I'm a bit in his. This is almost the EXACT position he was in. And now it's killing me. I think it hit me last night. I never intended for this. I never thought about this. This realization just. . .HAPPENED last night when I was talking to him. This is a small thing (obviously it can't be THAT big) but it has a BIG meaning to me and I don't like it. Not one bit.
98% of how I feel is because I concern for him. He's one of my closest friends and if anything happens to him, I'm there in a flash. We did stop talking a bit last year and I think we won't be talking much again after today but no matter what, he knows me well enough to be one of the people who are closer to me than many of the people I know.
2% of how I feel is conflicting. I don't know if I feel this way because I miss seeing him and hanging out with him or if I feel this way because there might be something else.
But I can't say a word about it except to one person because she understands. We both know him and we know what has happened before.
Shoot my heart. It's driving me crazy.
"The distance is great from the firm belief to the realization from concrete experience"
-- Isabella I of Spain
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