Giving up is what I want to do. I want to feel apathy towards anything that is hurting me right now. I want to go numb in the heart. I don't want to feel any pain anymore.
I've shattered over and over again these past 3 months. I'm so lost, so confused, so hopeless. My heart is at unease. I feel like I can fall apart anytime right now. I want to give up my heart overall. I don't want to feel the heartache anymore. I don't want to cry anymore over a stupid boy.
I've never felt such long-term pain in a long time. I've never hated thinking so much before. All I do is think about the times before. What did I do wrong? Why did this happen?
Love hurts. It hurts so much in the heart. I get jealous of all the girls he talks to. I get jealous that he's so happy and I'm still stuck here, trying to get over him. Everyday it hurts.
I'm going insane.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up."
--Thomas Alva Edison
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Changes.
Recently, I have been seeing changes in people, some are for the worse. Some are becoming people who they are not, some are just becoming people who I despise.
I know a person who is changing into someone who I don't like at all. When I'm around her, I don't even enjoy talking to her or being around her anymore. Before, we used to have a lot of laughs but now. . .it's just blank. I don't feel close to her anymore. She's someone who I don't understand anymore.
But I have seen those who change for the better. I know another person who used to have a bad habit of spreading her anger to others. When something bad happened, she would show that she was having it bad. But now, she's changed and is always laughing and probably keeps problems to herself to tell her close friends.
I realized that I'm changing too and I'm trying to aim for the better. I'm trying to make better friends and realizing that some people aren't even friends at all. But some are people who I can tell myself I NEED to keep in my life. But there are VERY few of those around.
"There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction"
-- Winston Churchill
I know a person who is changing into someone who I don't like at all. When I'm around her, I don't even enjoy talking to her or being around her anymore. Before, we used to have a lot of laughs but now. . .it's just blank. I don't feel close to her anymore. She's someone who I don't understand anymore.
But I have seen those who change for the better. I know another person who used to have a bad habit of spreading her anger to others. When something bad happened, she would show that she was having it bad. But now, she's changed and is always laughing and probably keeps problems to herself to tell her close friends.
I realized that I'm changing too and I'm trying to aim for the better. I'm trying to make better friends and realizing that some people aren't even friends at all. But some are people who I can tell myself I NEED to keep in my life. But there are VERY few of those around.
"There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction"
-- Winston Churchill
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Fun-filled weekend last week.
This past weekend, January 31st and February 1st, was probably the most fun weekend I've ever had for a long time.
On Saturday, Jan. 31st, I went to the Tet festival. It was very crowded. I was able to be with Kaz, Tammy, Tammy's friend Dean, Jacqueline, Albert, Nhan, and Tammy. (I hope I'm not missing anyone D:) We all met up around 2:00pm and stuck together until about 4:30pm. We played games and ate food and watched a little bit of the show onstage. There were many laughs and good times.
On Sunday, Feb. 1st, I went to the Surf City Marathon held at the Huntington Beach. I got up at 3:30am! And then I got to the sports complex by 4:20am. I saw Albert Ha again so I talked to him most of the time. But he had to go on another bus. I stuck around with the FV Key Club. Finally around 5:00am, our bus came and we headed to the station we were supposed to work at. We helped pass out water to the runners for about 10 hours straight! Very tiring. Afterward, I went to Sugar Shack on Main Street with Selina, Sean and Sam. We ate breakfast at 2:00pm! It was good though. Afterward, we just walked around a little and then I had to go. I was beat.
And now today. . .today has been a tiring day. I'm waiting in anticipation on something for 2 days but I bet the answer will disappoint me greatly and hurt me greatly. Why should I even bother.
Instead of a quote on this post, I'll just put up my cruddy poem. [':
I try various ways to suppress my love for you,
I try to suppress all the memories.
But my heart is chipping away again,
It just can’t seem to be at ease.
I try to avoid you as best I can,
Maybe if I don’t see you, I won’t love you anymore.
But then I start to get pulled towards you again,
Now I’m back to where I was before.
I try to think about how you’ve changed, how you’re different,
How you’re not the guy you used to be.
My mind starts to agree with the thoughts I process,
But it gets chased back to the memories of you and me.
I also try to convince myself that you’ve fallen for someone else,
That I’m not The One in your heart.
But sometimes the actions you make towards me
Leads me back to thoughts of how we can’t be apart.
As my mind fails to come together,
My heart is also conflicted and falling apart.
It tries to get away from the memories and the hurt,
But it always gets pulled back to the start.
As I suffer through the pain of loving you,
How are you feeling at this moment?
Do you miss me how I miss you?
Or is your love now for rent?
1/30/09 ©Eva Lee
On Saturday, Jan. 31st, I went to the Tet festival. It was very crowded. I was able to be with Kaz, Tammy, Tammy's friend Dean, Jacqueline, Albert, Nhan, and Tammy. (I hope I'm not missing anyone D:) We all met up around 2:00pm and stuck together until about 4:30pm. We played games and ate food and watched a little bit of the show onstage. There were many laughs and good times.
On Sunday, Feb. 1st, I went to the Surf City Marathon held at the Huntington Beach. I got up at 3:30am! And then I got to the sports complex by 4:20am. I saw Albert Ha again so I talked to him most of the time. But he had to go on another bus. I stuck around with the FV Key Club. Finally around 5:00am, our bus came and we headed to the station we were supposed to work at. We helped pass out water to the runners for about 10 hours straight! Very tiring. Afterward, I went to Sugar Shack on Main Street with Selina, Sean and Sam. We ate breakfast at 2:00pm! It was good though. Afterward, we just walked around a little and then I had to go. I was beat.
And now today. . .today has been a tiring day. I'm waiting in anticipation on something for 2 days but I bet the answer will disappoint me greatly and hurt me greatly. Why should I even bother.
Instead of a quote on this post, I'll just put up my cruddy poem. [':
I try various ways to suppress my love for you,
I try to suppress all the memories.
But my heart is chipping away again,
It just can’t seem to be at ease.
I try to avoid you as best I can,
Maybe if I don’t see you, I won’t love you anymore.
But then I start to get pulled towards you again,
Now I’m back to where I was before.
I try to think about how you’ve changed, how you’re different,
How you’re not the guy you used to be.
My mind starts to agree with the thoughts I process,
But it gets chased back to the memories of you and me.
I also try to convince myself that you’ve fallen for someone else,
That I’m not The One in your heart.
But sometimes the actions you make towards me
Leads me back to thoughts of how we can’t be apart.
As my mind fails to come together,
My heart is also conflicted and falling apart.
It tries to get away from the memories and the hurt,
But it always gets pulled back to the start.
As I suffer through the pain of loving you,
How are you feeling at this moment?
Do you miss me how I miss you?
Or is your love now for rent?
1/30/09 ©Eva Lee
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
