Appreciation.

Yes. I have blogged about appreciation but this is different.

Today, I got rejected from UCI. I already knew before I saw the actual rejection. My stomach was churning because I knew that I wasn't good enough for their school.

I'm not as intelligent as a lot of my friends in academics. I only get grades and classes that pass by. I'm just an "Average Joe" in academics; I always will be. So obviously I'm not going to get into those semi-prestigious schools.

Anyway, so University of California, Irvine has been my mom's dream for me ever since I was a freshman because of convenience from there to home and name. I never knew what colleges were all about so I strived for that school.

Senior year, I have realized that colleges. . .the higher the college, the higher the. . .what? Name? Reputation? Pride? Academics? What does this all mean to someone's goal for their life?

So at this time, I have been rejected by three schools, and accepted by three. One more and I'm finally finished. The most recent one, from UCI, was the most difficult to tell my parents. I don't know why but it was. I guess because they kept asking about only UCI. After I told them, I thought they would be in silence for a while from disappointment. But after I asked them if they're okay, they told me things that I never would expect to hear.

They told me that they don't care what the name of the college is that I go to. They would have loved it if I went to UCI but it wasn't necessary. I can go to CalState Fullerton and then transfer. My mom joked that I don't have to tell people I got rejected from UCI but just say I wanted to transferred. I laughed with a bit of tears forming.

They then told me that as long as I work on a major that I LOVE to learn about and succeed in the end, they'll be happy.

Happy. Even though I didn't get directly into UCI, they'll happy.

My parents are not the typical asian parents that scold me for not "trying" for what they want. My parents accept B's (as long as they're not C's). My parents allow me to hang out with whomever, whenever, as long as I get my priorities done. My parents will do so many things for me and get so many things for me, just to see me happy.

This is not bragging. This is not "Look, my parents are so much more lenient than yours." I don't even know how to show my appreciation for my parents. This is the best I can do for now. Just, definitely, for now.

I can never, even in my next lifetime, give back to my parents. No matter how much I try, it will never equal up to how much they have done for me. They have raised me into who I am today and they still continue to shape me.

I appreciate my parents for the way they have taught me and treated me and, most of all, loved me.

This post is all over the place but these are the thoughts that run through my head right now.

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
-- Frederick Keonig