I've messed up.

Lately, I've found out that I screw up so many things & I'll never be able to fix them.

My first is having a friend who I assumed wrong & I think she will never forgive me. I wish she knew how sorry I am. I've said things that were definitely not necessary and what I said was wrong & harsh. I tried to be friends with her again after things happened & then I screwed up the friendship again. Now, every time I see her, I feel sick to the stomach & scared, thinking that I'm passing by someone who might despise me.

My second is being annoying to someone who was so close to me. I let a relationship get in the way between us and it cut off our friendship, without us knowing it. Though supposedly we made a promise to be best friends, it isn't like how it used to be anymore. A 3 year friendship was destroyed by a 5 month relationship. This is what truly breaks my heart.

My third is when I was little, I used to be connected with my cousins and were close to all of them but then as I entered middle school, I got consumed in friends & drifted apart from family. Now, I'm trying to make relations with them again and I'm trying to talk & get along with all my cousins again. So far, it isn't working out so well.

My fourth is in freshman year, I despised a person I befriended with in the beginning. I saw her qualities and I didn't like them. But now I'm friends with her again but I don't know how it's going right now.

So, I've screwed up many friendships in my life. I always screw it up & lose a friend, one by one. I just wish I had someone who can deal with what I throw at them. I wish there would be someone who, no matter how angry I get, how bitchy I get, how annoying I get, how moody I get, that person would always be there scolding me on how I shouldn't act that way or how that person would always be there for me to complain to & they'll give me their point of view on the situation. I just need someone who will stick with me, by my side, even if everyone walks away.

"Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself."
--Unknown