Losing it all.

I've lost my best friend who I thought would stay by my side as I did for him. The one who I wrote a big part of a paragraph in my UC essay because he inspired me and had such a big impact on me. The one who I told everything to. The one I always turned to.

I've lost a good friend of mine who was my friend since freshman year. She knew that I was the moody type but she still stuck with me as a friend and put up with me, though sometimes I took her for granted. I never used her. Ever. Though sometimes we'd have these negative moments, we were still friends.

Now I'm going to lose my puppy. My adorable, hyper, crazy, fierce, scared 3-year-old Tofu Lee. I love him to death. He's the only one who, no matter how mean I treat him sometimes, still comes running up to me when he sees me in the backyard, hyped up and ready to play. My emotional attachment towards him is the strongest I've ever had for any pet, though he does trouble me and my parents a lot. But they even love him. I even asked my mom and she said that she and my dad don't want to give him away at all but we have to because he's only trouble in our hands. If I were to turn back time to the moment I got him, I would have trained him hard and disciplined him so he doesn't have to be so troublesome. I love my puppy so much. Now he's going to be gone by latest this week.

This month has been horrifying for me and now I'm going to have to face December, when the two painful events occurred last year. I can't stand the thoughts of any future events right now. These two months have ripped and are still going to rip me apart even further.

I don't know how to handle the moments that are going to come at me like a sword in the stomach.

"When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough."
--Maurice Maeterlinck