What's going to happen now?

The first thing I'd like to say is. . .

I want to watch the movie "The Blind Side". I'm already about to cry watching the trailer. I can't wait to go watch it. (: Hopefully.

Anyhoo, moving on.

So, I already see that there's no point for me having feeling for anyone because they backfire on me anyway. I'm keeping my heart to myself. I need to protect it and keep it safe from any harm. It's been smashed and stomped on once too many times throughout this year. I just have to smile, walk on, and find someone someday.
"In this monochrome world, I will search the depths of the earth and the limitless skies for you. . ." I'll search for you. Somewhere, someday.

It's coming closer and closer to December. The month I hate. It feels as if it was just last year that those two heartbreaking moments happened to me. It's almost been a year since Ah-ma passed. I can still picture that last moment I saw her. That tear that formed from her eyes. She knew. . .she knew. I want to cry, so bad. I'm going to ask my parents to go to Rose Hill on December 28th.
The other heartbreak was that stupid idiot. I don't even want to talk about him.
Never again, will I ever experience December '08.
Oh, how time passes by like the wind that quickly blows.

Today, my English class went into the library with two other classes so Mr. Walters could talk to us about college. Sean Nguyen was next to me and started to freak out. Inside, I was starting to get more and more scared, too. I knew this moment would come but I never thought that it would come and hit me in the face SO fast. I just stare at a hard-copy of an application that I am considering. I haven't even touched it yet. And it's due very soon because it's a private school. I'm screwed. But the thing is, I don't know WHY I still sit here, lagging it out even though I KNOW I'm on a strict deadline. I'm so scared to face any of this.

What's going to happen now?

"Predicting the future is easy.
It's trying to figure out what's going on now that's hard."
--Fritz R. S. Dressler