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How to label this post, I'm not quite sure.

Thinking back on it now is different than it was two months ago. Two months ago, it pained my heart continuously. The aspects of the mix of friendship and love fogged up like a heavy, thick mist crossing my path. I'm not sure what has happened now; maybe it got numbed out, maybe I just got used to it. This isn't fear because I'm not running away. . .am I? Tears have not run down my face in a while. Is this someday going to hit me hard? I am not upset that this has happened but I'm not happy either.

I know I complain about that person many times but he affected me so much. Three years with a serious on and off relation with the f-king guy is. . .ridiculous. But it's finally done. We will never go back to each other. He kept breaking me and breaking me until I've finally shattered. I'm fucking done.
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On a different note, six days away until this year is completely gone. 2009. . .gone. I remember when I JUST started high school and the first person I remembered who went to Fountain Valley High was my cousin who was a senior. Now I'M the one who's in his place. When I got the envelope packet for cap and gown, I was just. . .dumbfounded. The next are rejection letters from colleges. Puahaha. Well the first thing for school when we all go back two weeks from now is to get used to writing '10 on our papers.

When I think of the future, my eyes stare off and my mind wanders. If anything, there is an equal amount of negatives and positives in the future. I'm terribly afraid of the negatives, and I'm awaiting the positives.

Speaking of positives, I think I've taken a piece of my former best friend with me along the way in high school. She always believed in fate and how random occurrences aren't really random. I've been noticing that I've been believing in fate a lot now too. Puahaha. Sounds ridiculous but if I meet someone and they become a friend or maybe even something more to me, I truly think it's fate and not a random draw of the cards. Maybe I'm completely wrong, or sometimes I may be right. Who knows. The cards might be randomly delt, or the deck could be completely rigged and is meant for each individual.

2010. . .I hope my cards are delt nicely, unlike 2009.

Merry Christmas, and almost a Happy New Year.

"Just because Fate doesn't deal you the right cards, it doesn't mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential."
--Les Brown